On The Other Side
by Ultrawoman
Summary: A twist on 6.17 Normal Again. Buffy might have ended her relationship with Spike, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have feelings for him. If only he were human she might let herself love him. Maybe, somewhere in another world...
1. Chapter 1

A/N : This is an idea I had way back when I first saw Season 6 of Buffy. After a couple of viewings of Normal Again I had the urge to write this fic and I got two short chapters in before I realised I didn't really know how to make it work. I found it again recently and tried to re-plan and start over with the idea, now that I have better knowledge of the characters and world I'm writing about. Here's hoping it'll turn out okay this time.

Title : On The Other Side  
Rating : PG-13  
Summary : A twist on 6.17 Normal Again. Buffy might have ended her relationship with Spike, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have feelings for him. If only he were human she might let herself love him. Maybe, somewhere in another world...  
_Disclaimer : Joss owns all recognisable BtVS characters and plotlines._

Chapter 1

Buffy wandered through the graveyard as she did almost every night at this time. It was a pretty slow patrol and she'd only seen and staked one vampire in the last hour and a half. She was bored and so tired and not just because she hadn't slept for many hours. She was tired of trying to cope with this life she had. It was bad enough to be torn from heaven but since her resurrection it felt as if everything that could go wrong, had gone wrong.

Tara and Willow split up and the red-head battled magic-obsession. Dawn had become a kleptomaniac while her sister was forced to take a job as a burger-flipper at the Doublemeat Palace just to make ends meet. Xander left Anya at the alter just last week and no-one knew where either of them were. And then, there was Spike.

Buffy thought of him and felt immediately sick. For a change though, the nausea wasn't his fault, the pain and hurt wasn't his fault, it was all hers. Spike loved her, she had tried to deny it but she knew it was true. She had used him, over and over, until the time came when she realised she just couldn't hurt him anymore. Their viscious circle of sex and violence had come to an end, but they were both hurting still.

Buffy knew in her heart that she felt something for the vamp she professed to hate. She told him she was using him to feel and yes, it had started out that way, maybe, but she always felt something for him. He was so understanding and he stuck by her, and Dawn. He was so different now, so different to the evil creature she had met just four years before. She had changed him, she knew that, and of course the chip had made a difference, but he'd changed himself too.

Buffy found she could deal with his affection at a distance but being so close to him physically meant she had to face his feelings for her too. The intensity in his eyes, the love she saw when they were together, always forced her to look away. He wanted to make love to her but she'd never let it be that, it had to be mindless physicality or it had to end. That was just one of several reasons she had to tell him it was over, despite the fact it was killing her not seeing him, or worse seeing him but being forced to keep her distance.

'If only he were human' Buffy thought to herself, 'or even if he had a soul, maybe...' her thoughts trailed away, but there was no denying her feelings.

Buffy knew deep down that the excuse of him being soulless was just that, an excuse. She liked him, felt she could be falling for him but how could she admit to her friends that she was beginning to love a supposedly evil demon, when she could barely admit it to herself.

There was no more time for pointless pondering as a demon leapt at Buffy from behind a tombstone. It was ugly, Buffy noticed that straight away, much uglier than many other demons she'd fought. It made a hissing sound as it lunged at her and as she made to grab it's arm and flip it over, her hand met a waxy substance on the creatures skin.

A fight ensued, punches and kicks landing on both the Slayer and the demon, both fairly equally matched it seemed, but Buffy's concentration was too much elsewhere, and the creature soon had her in a headlock. As the air was squeezed from her lungs she felt a needle, or at least something sharp like a needle, pierce the skin of her arm. She tried to scream but no sound came. She squeezed her eyes tight shut and...

"Buffy, it's okay" a gentle but persistent voice told her as she scrambled back into the corner of the room, "It's just to calm you down, help you sleep, it's okay" the voice persisted, as an arm gestured with a syringe.

Buffy panicked at the sight around her. A plain, green-painted, sterile-looking room, and a man with a voice she recognised but couldn't place.

"It's okay" he repeated, "Buffy it's all okay now"

The Slayer opened her eyes and blinked hard as she saw Spike hovering over her instead of the other man. She was back in the graveyard, on the ground, clutching her injured arm while the bleached vampire who'd been clouding her thoughts stood over her, reaching to help her up, telling her it was okay.

"What happened?" she choked out, her eyes darting around. No demon, but she wasn't in that room either. What was going on?

"I don't know, pet" Spike shook his head as he helped her up from the ground, "I was out walking, looking for a spot of violence before bedtime y'know and I knew you were out here, sensed you, found you like this" he gestured at the ground where he'd found her laying, shaking, seemingly unconscious at first then writhing and panicking like she was having a nightmare.

As the vampire looked down at her, Buffy just stared back. Whatever had happened was over now and she was safe. Safe because he was there, like he always was when she needed him. And she'd broken up with him, why? 'He's a vampire' she reminded herself as she tore her eyes away from his.

"I should go" she mumbled, turning to walk away.

"Buffy" he called after her and she stopped for a moment. She decided against turning back and just kept walking away. She had to, or she knew what happened before would happen again, and it shouldn't. Sleeping with Spike would make her feel better for a while, but it wasn't the answer. At least that's what she told herself.

Buffy shook her head as she walked along. If fighting against her developing feelings for Spike didn't kill her, she was fairly certain the stress caused by so many other things just might. Though she was slowly getting used to the world again, it was times like this when she went back to a theory she'd develeoped months ago. She'd been in heavan before, now she must be in hell.

* * *

"Hey Buffy" Willow smiled as her friend arrived home, "Dawn did all her homework and she's in bed now. How was patrol?" 

"Er... fine" the Slayer mumbled, as she barely glanced into the living room before bolting up the stairs to her room. It had been a weird night and that flash she had just after the demon got her had really freaked her out, that and the feelings she was having about a certain vampire...

"Buffy? Are you sure you're okay?" the kindly voice of her red-headed friend asked as she followed Buffy into her room. She shook her head as if to clear the fogginess inside it, before looking over at Willow.

"Weird thing happened with a demon is all" she shrugged, sitting down on the edge of her bed, "I was fighting it, this big, waxy, ugly thing, and then..."

"What happened?" the Wicca prompted as the Slayer zoned out.

"I don't know, I... it was like I wasn't there..." Buffy had trouble explaining it exactly, her head was starting to pound, probably from her fall, and she just wanted to sleep it off, "I'm sorry Wills, my head is killing me" she said to her friend as she lay back and closed her eyes.

"It's okay" Willow smiled in understanding, "I'll go fetch you some aspirin"

Buffy lay back on her bed, thinking about what had happened. Her head really was starting to throb and she guessed she must have hit it when the demon knocked her down. 'Thank God Spike came' she thought to herself. She'd been so scared when she saw that room, an emotion she wasn't entirely used too though it had been sort of nice to feel something other than the numbness that ruled a large part of her life of late. It must have been some kind of hallucination she told herself, stress related craziness she guessed, but why now and so suddenly?

"Hey" she heard from the door and as she turned...

"Here are your pills Buffy, are you going to take them for me like a good girl?" said a blonde nurse from the doorway.

"What?" the Slayer gasped, completely confused.

"I said here are the pills Buffy, are you sure you're okay, you look like you're gonna hurl" Willow repeated her words and Buffy shook her aching head as her bedroom came back into focus around her.

"Something weird is going on..." she whispered to herself, but she accepted the aspirin from her friend and told her she was fine, just tired. It was pointless to worry her friends over what was probably nothing. A good nights sleep was probably all she needed. Of course it was less easy to reach dreamland these days, as so many worries built up in her mind. Now she was stressing about stress, and was seriously beginning to wonder where it would all end. Tears crept down her cheeks as she lay in the now dark room, wondering how her life had gone so wrong.

Outside her window, Spike stood in the front yard, leaning on a tree and smoking a cigarette. He'd got used to keeping a vigil on the house when Buffy was gone. It made Dawn feel safer, knowing he was just beyond her window, standing guard as it were. When the Slayer first returned she hadn't exactly seemed ready, willing, and able to face the forces of darkness and so the vampires nightly watch over the house had continued. Even since their sordid affair had begun, Spike still couldn't stop himself from wanting to make sure his girls were safe. The Summers sisters were all he cared about, and he truly loved them both. Dawn was the little sis he never had, and Buffy, she was his world, the reason he existed. It almost finished him to try and survive without her, and to have her back was the most amazing feeling.

Now he had to stand by and watch her suffer, and that hurt almost as much as not having her there at all. When she was with him, as close as two people can be, it still didn't feel like she was really there. She barely made eye contact, stopped the kissing after the first few times so it became just the meaningless joining of two bodies, almost clinical and emotionless to her.

He still loved her, and he knew it meant a hundred times more to him than it did to her when they were together. Still, there was a strange sort of relief when she said their affair was over for the last time. Being close to her, holding her and knowing she wasn't really there... he talked to Whitebread a little over a year ago about the very same thing, not truly understanding what he was saying until he experienced it for himself as he had now.

With a deep sigh, he threw a fifth cigarette butt to the ground and said a silent goodnight to his girls within the house. He turned away then and headed off into the dark. No comfy bed waited for him, just a dank little crypt without a view. He couldn't help wondering, if he had some decent digs, a job, a bit of cash, maybe the Slayer could love him like he thought she should. Not that he thought for a moment she could be bought but, basically he couldn't help thinking perhaps, if he were a human, she might want him in her life, but that was never going to happen. He was a vampire, she was a Slayer, there was no magic wand to change that. The chances were that Buffy would never love him at all, and yet, Spike knew he would never give up on her.

To Be Continued...

A/N2 : Well, yes, I know that this is a bit short, and mostly like the ep, though with a couple of differences. The next chapter will make it more obvious where the story is going but in the meantime it'd be great if anybody who likes this so far could leave a review and tell me. Thanx :-)


	2. Chapter 2

A/N : Well so far this seems like it's gonna be a popular story, I only hope I write it well enough to keep you all interested! Thanx so much to the reviewers so far; Baby Girl Geller-Green, spuffy-monica, Spuffy6, goldenshadows, Danni Rand, KelleyTheSelfToastablePopTart, wicked-angel-413, souled-angel, velja, mimi, Spuffy2008, Lifes-Slayer, RachelMarsters, roxanne, sunnyhell, Rebel Goddess, and Daniel Weesley Rydell. Here's the next chapter, and some of it is v. similar to Normal Again but hopefully enough of it is different to keep it interesting!  
_(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1, Normal Again was written by Diego Gutierrez)_

Chapter 2

Buffy was patrolling with Willow and Xander. She was a little apprehensive about being in the graveyard after what had happened the night before, that was why her friends had come along. Xander had only returned to Sunnydale that morning, he was still pretty mixed up after the whole wedding fiasco and Anya was nowhere around. Buffy felt bad for him and her, life was getting so bad for everyone and she was so confused all the time, even before the demon had done whatever it had done to her. She hadn't dared to tell her friends or her sister about the 'visions' she'd had, despite the fact she had to concentrate hard to keep them at bay. She almost slipped back there that afternoon, very briefly the room had faded in and out to that hospital room, but closing her eyes tight and concentrating hard she had forced it away.

Now she was just trying to forget all of it.

"Hey, look who it isn't" she heard Xander say nastily, and she glanced up to see a certain peroxide vampire headed their way.

"Spike" she said quietly to herself, before speaking more loudly, "What are you doing here?"

"Thought you might need some help with the patrolling after last night, but apparently not" he replied, honestly.

"Last night?" Xander frowned, "What did you do last night?"

"Me?" Spike laughed incredulously, "I saved your Slayer there is what I did" he told the boy who clearly didn't believe him.

"Yeah, right" he scoffed as the pair squared up to each other just briefly. Xander must have decided the vampire wasn't worth his time and moved to turn away.

"I don't have to take that tone or that look from you" Spike snapped behind him, "Not from a bloke who's not even man enough to go through with his own wedding!"

That was it, that was all it took. Xander spun round, grabbed Spike by the shirt and made to punch him.

This whole time, Buffy's head had started to swim, and as Willow left her side to break up the comparison of manliness occurring between her friend and, well, Spike, Buffy couldn't take it anymore. She sank down to a seated position on the edge of a tombstone, clutching her head.

"Guys?" she called, "Guys, please!" she became more frantic as they began to disappear from her sight, replaced by that frightening room again, that place, that... hospital?

"Buffy?" someone called, but the voice was distorted and she couldn't tell whether it was Will or Xander or even Spike, it might not have been any of them at all.

"No, no, not again" she complained as the graveyard completely dissolved and her eyes opened to the green room again. She was sat on a bed, and surrounded by people, three at least, one of which was clutching her hand tightly.

"Buffy, it's okay, really" his kind and familiar English voice told her, "Do you remember who I am?"

Blinking hard and forcing her mind to focus too, Buffy looked at the man before her. The blondish light brown hair confused her and the clothes were wrong but...

"Spike?" she gasped, "What's going on?"

"Spike?" a female voice echoed in confusion, but Buffy didn't bother to turn to see who was there.

"It's what she calls me sometimes..." the young man explained, his eyes never losing contact with Buffy's own, "I'm not sure why... Buffy, my name is William" he reminded her.

"William?" she whispered before smiling "Yes..." she nodded, remembering his real name, "I'm so glad you're here"

She threw herself into his arms and hugged him tight, glad to find one thing, one person at least that made sense in both Sunnydale and here. She found comfort in his arms and he held her just as tight, if not a little unsurely, and she was surprised how right it felt to be there, in his embrace. It seemed he was the only constant feature between the real world and this place.

"Buffy, honey..." a female voice caught her attention and she finally turned her head to see a woman she'd missed so much in Sunnydale.

"Mom?" her voice wavered as she spoke "Dad?" she added, stunned by the presence of her parents, both here and seemingly together again. Whatever this place was it seemed it had it's up-sides.

"Oh baby, we're so glad to have you back" Hank smiled as he looked down at his daughter with tears in his eyes. Buffy was stunned.

"Have me back?" she echoed, confused even more than she had been before, her mother came to sit down beside her.

"Buffy, do you know where you are?" she asked and the young woman glanced around the room, at her parents and the man in front of her, before answering;

"Sunnydale?"

"No, sweetheart" her father said firmly "that's not real"

Buffy frowned. Could it be she was not just in a hospital but in a _mental_ hospital? That she was still in the place she'd been sent to six years ago when she thought she first saw a vampire? She felt like she might cry, for the loss of her other life, from her confusion, and in joy at having her parents back together and by her side.

"I'll go and fetch the doctor" William said, moving to stand from the edge of the bed.

"No" Buffy heard her own voice call out, she was only half aware she was speaking "please don't leave" she begged, grabbing at his arm "please don't" she couldn't let the man who appeared to be Spike out of her sight. She wasn't entirely sure what was going on yet and he seemed to be the only connection between the two places she was caught between.

"Okay" William smiled kindly, sitting down again beside the frantic blonde. She smiled when she realised he was staying with her.

"I'll get the doctor" Hank decided "I won't be long sweetheart" he promised as he left, and Buffy knew she must ask what she needed to know, she had to know if this was real...

"Where is this place?" she asked in a small voice.

"It's a hospital, honey" her mother confirmed "in LA. Do you remember?"

"I think I do..." she nodded "but...Sunnydale, Dawn and Will and Xander..."

"That's not real, Buffy" William told her firmly but gently "it's a delusion, your mind is playing tricks on you"

"Baby, there are no vampires or demons" Joyce explained "you don't have a sister and all those friends you think you have they don't exist, but we do" she smiled "We want you here with us, sweetheart, we want you to be well again"

Buffy tried to take in the information she'd been given as Hank came back into the room along with a man who was presumably the doctor. Although he smiled at her, the man in the white coat made Buffy uncomfortable, she didn't feel safe here anymore.

"No" she said slowly, shaking her head, screwing her eyes tight shut, "NO!"

As her eyes opened again she was seated on the tombstone, Willow sitting one side of her, Spike standing the other, and Xander kneeling on the floor in front of her - the hospital room, her parents and William were gone.

"Buffy, can you hear me?" Willow asked, shaking her friend slightly.

"Yes" she answered, before asking "Where am I? What's going on?"

"It's okay, Buff" Xander told her, "You're gonna be fine" he turned to Willow and dropped his voice, "What's wrong with her?" he asked the equally baffled red head.

"Something got her last night" Spike said flatly, not taking his eyes off of Buffy as she cried and shook, "I didn't see what but she was like this when I found her, with the shaking and the blank look"

"Yeah" Willow nodded, "She had a headache last night and she was pretty out of it. I just thought it was because she hadn't slept well or stress or something"

"So this is your fault" Xander snapped at Spike, rising to his feet and shoving the vamp in the chest with both hands.

"Hey, I didn't do anything" the bleach blond protested, unable to hit back because of his chip. He was getting twinges in his head as it was, thinking how much he'd love to beat the guy down.

"Well, maybe you should've" Xander shoved him again, "If you cared about her like you say you do you would have helped her last night instead of letting her get in this mess"

"I just can't do right for you people can I!" Spike complained, shoving Xander back, causing his chip to fire painfully. Still it was worth it to almost knock the ponce on his ass.

"Guys!" Willow interrupted their second 'fight'of the night, her resolved face firmly on her features, "You will stop!" she ordered, "We need to get Buffy home and make sure she's okay and then there is research to do. This is probably a spell or something a demon caused and if it is, we need to find out what caused it and how to cure it"

Both Spike and Xander knew the witch was right. They shared one last look of hate before stepping away from one another.

Xander moved to Buffy's side and he and Willow helped her up and started to walk her home, leaving a confused and hurt Spike behind. He watched the girl he loved be carried away from him, clearly in pain and distress and he couldn't help her. That hurt more than any physical blow he'd had thrown at him, and no-one even realised it.

* * *

Arriving at 1630 Revello Drive, Buffy and her friends were surprised to see Dawn.

"I thought you were staying over at your friends house Dawnster?" Xander commented as he and Willow brought Buffy to the living room and sat her down in a chair.

"Oh, Janice wasn't feeling well so her Mom brought me home" the young girl explained with a shrug, "I figured you'd be back soon" it was only now she really noticed how pale her sister looked, "Hey, Buffy, are you okay?"

The Slayer didn't reply, leaning forward in the chair, her aching head in her hands as she waited for her surroundings to stop spinning.

"She'll be fine, I think" Willow told the younger girl, "She just didn't feel so good so we brought her home"

As the two original Scoobies removed their coats and shot worried looks at each other, there was silence in the living room of the Summers house and the lack of words to concentrate on stopped Buffy from keeping her hold on the reality of Sunnydale. She started to drift, she could feel it coming, and she just didn't have the energy to keep fighting it.

"Buffy?" William's voice called and despite knowing she should push against it, she let herself go to him, he sounded so comforting..."Buffy, hey, you're back" he smiled warmly at her and the girl sighed.

"Yeah, guess I am" she mumbled, "You look so like him" she said almost to herself, "So familiar"

"Well, I should be familiar" he told her, not really getting her real meaning, "We spent the Summer together, most of it anyway"

"The Summer?" Buffy echoed, her mind drifting back.

'Why don't I remember?' she wondered, before realising all too fast that she did. Whatever this place was she had been here before, with her Mom, her Dad, no demons or monsters, no Slayer powers, and a man she assumed was... yes, it had to be William, the human Spike. She had assumed it was her heaven, the resting place for the souls of past loved ones and a place she could finally rest too. She'd been happy here and then she'd been torn out, back to Sunnydale... did that mean this was...?

"Buffy, talk to me" William urged her, "Please, don't go again"

Buffy barely heard him as fear took hold, fear of not knowing, not understanding what was happening now or what had happened before. She started to fall, back to what seemed to be reality, landing with a bump and a scream, surrounded by her sister and her friends

"Buffy! Buffy!" Dawn cried frantically, tears washing down her face at the thought of losing her last family member to forces unknown. Xander had one arm around the distraught teen as they stood behind Willow, crouching at the Slayers feet, shaking her gently from her seemingly comatose state.

"Buffy, are you okay?" the red-head asked again, "Can you hear me?"

"Willow?" the blonde gasped, and as she looked at her friend, the witch knew she'd really got her attention.

"Yes, Buffy, it's me" she assured her friend, "You want to tell me what's going on?"

There was a long moment of silence as Buffy scanned the room and her friends and realised she was back from another little trip. She nodded slowly that she would explain, pushing her hand up over her face and back through her hair.

"I've been having these flashes..." she said slowly "They're hallucinations, I guess... since last night..."

Willow moved to sit on the sofa, where Xander had recently sat Dawn and himself. The three faced Buffy, worried expressions on their features, as they waited for the rest of her explanation.

"I was, uh, patrolling, like normal" Buffy swallowed hard as she recounted the events of the night before "and then, bam! Some kind of gross, waxy demon-thing... it kind of stung me, in the arm" she told them, absently rubbing her hand over the spot she referred to "and then it was like... I was in an institution. There were doctors and nurses and, and this guy..." she trailed off as she thought about the place, the place that seemed like heaven, where her perfectly angelic version of Spike resided, "They, they told me that I was sick" she continued to explain, at last "I guess crazy, and that Sunnydale and, and all of this" she gestured with her hands "none of it was real"

"Oh, come on" Xander exploded "that's ridiculous!" Willow, Dawn and Buffy all looked at him "What? You think this isn't real just because of all the vampires and demons and ex-vengeance demons and the sister that used to be a big ball of universe-destroying energy?" he considered his argument, and added, "Okay, see your point..."

"I know how this must sound, but it felt so real" the Slayer protested "Mom was there" she said to Dawn, her voice barely a whisper.

"She was?" the young girl asked, just as quietly.

"Dad, too" Buffy nodded "They were together like they used to be... before Sunnydale"

"Oh, I think... hold on" Willow who had been silent through all this practically leapt from her seat and ran to the dining room. She returned moments later with an open book in one hand and a smile on her face. Sitting next to her Slayer friend she showed her the page, pointing to an illustration upon it.

"Look, is this it?" she asked Buffy, "The demon that stung you?"

Buffy looked uncertain but then she nodded.

"Yes" she said in agreement "yeah, that's the demon that... got me" she told her witch friend quietly.

"Then it's gonna be okay" Willow assured her, "I've read about these demons, they carry an antidote to their own poison, in the pointy stinger thing" she smiled in triumph "All we have to do is track it down"

Buffy looked blankly at the girl beside her and then at the rug by her feet.

It was a demon thing, of course it was. Nothing else could cause these strange flashes to places where the deceased were alive and evil people were so kind to her. At least that's what she would've said before. Now Buffy was begining to wonder if it was all the other way round.

Though he hadn't really meant to, Xander had made a good point when he said the world they lived in was unbelievable with the Hellmouth and all it's creatures and effects. The world where she lived in a mental institution, where her parents wanted nothing but for her to be better and come home to them, and a kindly young man named William watched over her, that could be real.

There was a conversation around her that Buffy barely heard, in which Xander begrudgingly agreed to take Spike with him to find the demon and capture it, then Willow would be able to make up the antidote. Dawn was sent to make tea and Buffy was suddenly aware that there was only her and Willow in the room.

"I feel so lost" she told her best friend with a worried look.

"I know" the red-head nodded sympathetically, putting an arm around her friend to comfort her, "You're confused. It's that crazy juice inside you"

"It's more than that" the Slayer shook her head lightly "Even before the demon...I've been so detached"

Willow frowned.

"We've all been kind of slumming..." she covered, knowing that she too was guilty of some weird behaviour since her cold turkey with magic "and y'know it's understandable..." she was going to say after the whole heavan debacle, but the guilt over what she'd done to her friend still existed and mentioning it was not easy.

"Every day I try to snap out of it, figure out why I'm like that..." Buffy continued, as if she'd not heard a word her friend had said "Maybe it's true" she began to sob, "maybe, maybe I am..."

"Buffy, no" Willow snapped sternly, getting to her feet "Don't even think that"

Buffy looked up at her, lip quivering as tears cascaded down her face.

"You are not in an institution" she was told "You have never been in an institution"

"Yes, I have" the blonde said shakily and almost inaudibly causing Willow to come back down from her feet very suddenly. Sitting beside her friend she could only gasp at the news she'd just received.

"Back when I saw my first vampires" Buffy sniffed and choked "I got so scared. I told my parents and they completely freaked out. They thought there was something seriously wrong with me. They sent me to a clinic"

Willow remained silent, shocked and confused, almost wishing she'd never been told this news, not understanding why Buffy hadn't admitted it sooner.

"I was only there a couple of weeks" she heard Buffy continue "I stopped talking about it, and they let me go. Eventually my parents just forgot... but what if I'm still there?" the Slayer cried frantically, "What if I never left that clinic?"

"Buffy, you're not" the previously silent red-head assured her, holding onto her friends hands and looking her in the eye "I'm so sorry you had to go through that, but it's the past"

Buffy didn't look completely sure whether to believe or not that Sunnydale was real. It made sense that it was an illusion, but it also made sense to her that the other world was unreal.

"You've got to trust me" Willow protested, sensing the Slayer was still uncertain "We're gonna get you that antidote"

Buffy nodded and sobbed her heart out as her friend put her arms around her in comfort. The bottom line was she was scared, and it wasn't a feeling she was used to. She couldn't control what was going on around her. Her Slayer strength wouldn't help her now, she had no grip on anything, not even reality.

Dawn was almost just as frightened by the state of her sister as Buffy herself. Standing in the doorway, listening to every word, she realised her sister was very sick. What was a nastier shock to realise was that in the head of Buffy, Dawn didn't exist. If the blonde believed she was in the institution from six years before, and that all of the vampires and demons and Sunnydale were from her imagination, that meant the big ball of energy she thought of as a sister was a figment of her imagination too. Did Buffy really want to believe in a place where Dawn didn't exist? The younger girl was hurt at the very idea that she might, tears falling down her face as she ran to her room.

To Be Continued...


	3. Chapter 3

A/N : Seems like everybody's been looking for a good Normal Again Spuffy and they think this is it! I only hope I can deliver, and that you don't all start to hate where this goes half way through! Well, I guess we'll have to wait and see. In the meantime, big thanx to you reviewer types; spuffy-monica, funkydevil206, Daniel Wesley Rydell (hopefully I spelt it right this time, sorry about the mistake before!), Lifes-Slayer, Spuffy2008, RachelMarsters, spikegothicchick, wicked-angel-413, ash, Fabiola, spuffygurl11, and Rebel Goddess. Little more stealage from the ep in this chapter, but hopefully it has enough twists that you won't mind...  
_(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapters 1 & 2)_

Chapter 3

"So, she's having the wiggins, is she?" Spike sighed as he walked through the graveyard alongside Xander, "Thinks none of us are real. Bloody self-centred, if you ask me" he grumbled.

"No-one did ask you" the brunette pointed out, "and can I remind you that you're here because we need muscle, not colour commentary" he added, clearly annoyed at having to spend any time with the vamp.

"On the other hand" Spike continued as if he hadn't heard a word Xander had said, "it might explain some things - this all being in that twisted brain of hers" he considered, "Thinks up some chip in my head, make me soft, fall in love with her, then turn me into her soddin' sex slave..."

"What!" the whelp exclaimed suddenly and Spike realised what information he'd just divulged.

"Nothing" he answered fast, shaking his head, "Alternative realities, where we're all little figments of Buffy's funny-farm delusion" he said, before changing the subject in the nastiest way possible for Xander "You know, in a different reality, you might not have left your bride at the altar. You might have gone through with it like a man"

Momentarily forgetting the demon they were hunting, the young man got up in Spike's face and spoke with a low voice, waving the rifle he held in his hand

"One more syllable about Anya, and I swear..." was all he managed to say before the demon they were tracking jumped out at them with a hiss and an evil stare.

"Oh, balls" Spike complained "You didn't say he was a glarghk guhl kashmanik"

"That's because I can't say glar-" Xander started but unsurprisingly never finished as the demon attacked.

It was no real problem for Spike to knock it down momentarily, giving Xander the opportunity to shoot it with the tranquilliser gun.

"Let's get this to Buffy's basement" the boy gestured, as he and the vampire he loathed hauled the unconscious body of the glarghk-whatever out of the graveyard and towards Revello Drive.

**

* * *

An hour later, the demon was chained in the basement and Willow set about snapping the spine from it's hand. She put it into a jar and fastened the lid, whilst Spike tightened the creatures bonds as it struggled.**

"Xander, go to the magic shop" Willow told him as she turned towards the stairs, "I'll need alkanet root and a handful of nettle leaf, just for the medicinal properties, no magic" she assured him, "When you've got them, meet me at the campus lab. I'll see if I can brew up an antidote the old-fashioned way"

The boy did as he was told and Spike promised to keep the demon at bay in their absence.

"Mess with my girl, would you?" he spat when the others were gone, clocking the snarling demon across the face, "Oughta break you into bite-sized bits you son of a bitch!" he yelled, taking great delight in pummelling the creature. He knew just how to hit it so it was in constant pain but never quite made it to an unconscious state. If it did it wouldn't be the end of the world, so long as it didn't die yet. With this thing dead, if Willow's concoction when kaboom that was it for the Slayer, and Spike refused to lose her to some other world that she'd dreamt up, a world where he couldn't be with her.

When the demon he was beating on finally lost consciousness, the vampire moved towards the stairs and ventured up to ground level. Careful to avoid the sunlight that crept in though the windows he dodged over to the main stairs and went on up to Buffy's room.

It was early morning and he could hear the Nibblet's even breathing from the hallway, meaning she was still sleeping. The Slayer seemed calm enough too, and he suspected she was also asleep. He wanted to talk to her, check she was okay, but that was impossible now. Still, there was nothing to stop him just sticking his head round the door and taking a look at her. She always looked so peaceful and a different kind of beautiful like this, he realised as he stood at the door and took in the sight of her laid out on the bed with her eyes closed.

He only remembered one or two occasions when she'd fallen asleep after their sessions together. Usually she just kicked him in the head and ran out, virtue fluttering, but just a couple of times she'd exhausted herself so much she'd fallen asleep right there beside him, and he'd laid there for hours just watching her breathe, a slight smile gracing her lips when she dreamt of a more pleasant world. The smile left Spike's lips when he realised that perhaps the dream she had now was not a dream at all. If the hallucinations took her during her sleep, there was no way to know if she could fight back.

Glad that the drapes were closed, he came further into the room, leaning over the edge of the bed to look at her properly. He was in two minds whether to wake her or not when she began to stir herself.

"No! No!" she yelled, beginning to writhe about. Spike sat down on the edge of the bed, catching her by the arms to still her movements. He was afraid she'd throw herself clean off the bed or just scratch herself to ribbons with her own nails.

"Buffy!" he shouted, trying to shake her out of nightmare, "Buffy, come on, luv. It's not real" he told her.

"Not real, not real..." she rambled to herself, eventually giving up the struggle against him, even allowing him to pull her into his arms, something that surprised Spike greatly, "Not real, none of it's real" she continued mumbling against his chest, until tears started streaming from her eyes.

"Come on now, pet" Spike said gently, rubbing her back, "Keep up the racket and you'll scare little sis half to death" he told her, not realising he hadn't got her as far back to reality as he thought.

"Not real" she repeated, crying hard, "I don't have a sister" she sobbed.

Spike frowned at that, about to ask what the hell she was talking about when he heard a gasp from the door and turned to see Dawn with her hand over her mouth, two fat tears escaping from her eyes.

"Dawn" he said, feeling terrible for the little girl as she bolted back to her own bedroom, the door slamming behind her.

"Buffy" Spike said again, pushing her away a little and trying to see her face. Her eyes were still shut like she slept, but she was awake, just not here.

* * *

"It's getting harder, Hank" Joyce said sadly to her husband as they sat either side of their daughters bed, "Everytime she comes out, it makes it so much worse when she goes back" she said tearfully, gripping Buffy's hand. The girl stared straight ahead, eyes unseeing, in this world at least.

"We have to believe in her, Joyce" her husband reminded her, "She's getting better. The doctors say it's a good sign that she's lucid even for the short amounts of time that she is"

"I know" his wife nodded, "but it breaks my heart to have her come and go like this. I keep wondering if this next time she'll go too deep again..." her voice cracked with emotion and Hank moved to put is arm around her.

"Come on, sweetheart" he said gently, "You need a break"

"We can't leave her alone" Joyce shook her head, "What if she... comes back"

"I can sit with her" said a voice from the door and Buffy's parents both turned to see William hovering behind them, "I'd like to, really"

"William, that's very sweet" Joyce smiled, "but you're shift is over, you should be heading home"

"Mrs Summers, caring for Buffy is more than just a job to me" he admitted as he came into the room, "Of course all the patients here matter but..." he looked away quite embarrassed, not having meant to say quite as much as he had, but it was all true. Buffy meant so much more to him than the other patients he cared for. She'd been here longer than most of the others and ever since his first day at the hospital, almost four years ago now, he'd adored the young blonde in room sixteen-thirty.

"If you're sure" Hank told the younger man, "We'll just go get a coffee and freshen up"

"Take as long as you need" William smiled and nodded as he traded places with Joyce and sat down on the bed beside Buffy.

"Just us again, luv" he said when her parents were gone, "Yes, I know, I told you I was going home before but... to be honest home holds little comfort for me. I find as soon as I leave your side I wish I were back here" he smiled to himself as she stared straight past him, oblivious to his presence, "I sometimes wonder if perhaps I should take up a bed here instead of a job. People would think I was insane if I told them how I felt about you. I have no doubt you'll think the same thing when you finally come back to me and I explain it all to you"

He picked up her hand in his and squeezed it, hoping against hope that she might respond, just look at him like she really saw him.

"You will come back to us, Buffy" he said firmly, "I believe in you" he assured her, praying she might hear him, that his voice might reach her some how. His heart leapt when he thought he felt her hand move within his.

"Buffy?" he said cautiously, "If you can hear me, luv, come towards my voice. Fight through whatever you're seeing because it's not real, pet, none of it. I'm real, concentrate on me, please"

Buffy briefly closed her eyes and when she opened them again she looked straight at William, and she looked petrified.

"No, no, no" she chanted, pulling her hand from his grasp and holding her knees up to her chest as she glanced around the room. She had no idea how she'd got back here. One minute she'd been in bed, sleeping and dreaming, and the next she was here.

"No, no, no" she repeated, trying to push it away, concentrate on Sunnydale because that was real and this was all a demon-poison-induced illusion. She replayed what she was thinking in her head and realised it was crazy. What if this was the real world, and she really was a nut-job in a mental ward? The thought made her more afraid than any demon ever had.

"Buffy, come on, luv" William begged her, reaching to hold onto her arms and keep her still before she hurt herself, "It's not real, Buffy" he told her again, "What you think is there, it's not. None of it is real"

"Not real" she echoed looking over at him, finding the sight of him brought more comfort than it really should, "Not real, not real" she repeated wondering whether she was trying to convince herself that this place didn't exist or Sunnydale. Her breathing calmed slightly but she looked so lost, William felt terrible for her.

"Come on, pet" he said softly as she fell into his arms and wept. He had her here, in the real world, and willingly in his arms. He only wished it were under better circumstances, that she knew it was him that held her now, whispering words of comfort as he rubbed her back and promised her he'd help her, that it would get better.

"Your parents are so worried about you" he told her gently as he rocked her in his arms, "They need you better, you're all they've got"

The thought of her parents being here only made Buffy cry harder. She couldn't help but think how much simpler life might be if this world were real. She could be with her mother and father, and this wonderful human version of Spike. No demons and monsters to fight, but without her friends.

"My friends" she mumbled a she cried, William almost didn't hear her, "and Dawn"

"Ssh, Buffy, no" he told her, pushing her away a little til he could see her face, "They're not real" he said firmly but gently, hoping he was getting through, "Those people aren't your friends, and you don't have a sister" he reminded her, knowing the names of her delusions off by heart after so long of hearing her ramble about them.

"Not real" Buffy repeated sadly, tears still steaming down her face, "I, I don't have a sister" she realised, crying into Williams arms.

He held her close and kept on talking to her in an attempt to keep her grounded, as her parents reappeared at the door, smiling and crying at the same time. Slowly their daughter was clawing her way back to them, and it seemed she would not be lacking a friend when she made it back from the dark.

To Be Continued...


	4. Chapter 4

A/N : Thanx so much to; spuffy-monica, Spuffy2008, Rebel Goddess, axlgroupie91, KelleyTheSelfToastablePopTart, Lifes-Slayer, and aej1085, for the awesome reviews. I think I bored a few people away from this fic since it was very much based on the episode up to now. There is a little more still to come but I'm trying to change a few things and some major changes will occur next chapter as we go beyond the actual epsiode of Normal Again.  
_(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapters 1&2)  
_Edited to Add : This should have been posted last night, but my computer got a virus and went crazy. After five hours of scanning and clean up I appear to be safe and you guys can gave the newest chapter of this story!

Chapter 4

"It took a little longer than I'd hoped" Willow was saying as she came up the stairs to Buffy's room, "No magic and all, went boom twice, but then I got it. Just..." she stopped at the door when she saw Buffy was crying a river, "Oh sweetie" she sighed, putting the mug down on the table and coming to sit on the bed.

"Wills, I didn't mean to" she said tearfully, "I was just so confused"

"Hey, it's okay" Willow told her, gripping her hand, "You didn't do anything wrong" she assured her, though only because she'd yet to find out what'd happened.

"She did something alright" Spike said as he appeared at the door, "Nibblet's locked herself in the bloody bathroom" he told the red-head as Buffy cried.

"I don't... what happened?" she asked. The vampire sighed, gesturing with a tilt of his head for Willow to come out of the room. She did so cautiously, closing Buffy's bedroom door behind her.

"Slayer had another flash of wacko-world" Spike told the witch, "She was saying all sorts, so out of it she let me hold her..." he paused thinking about it before continuing, "She said she didn't have a sister, when Dawnie was standing right there in the doorway" he explained and Willow felt sick.

"That's awful" she said and Spike nodded.

"Reckon wherever she goes hallucinating, the Little Bit ain't there" he told her, "Probably none of us are"

"Well, the place can't be too bad if you're not in it" Xander snapped as he came up the stairs, "What're you doing up here Spike you were supposed to be watching the demon"

"What do you want from me Harris?" the vampire snapped back, getting right in the boys face, "Leave the ladies in distress and keep some unconscious monster company instead of helpin' them?"

"Buffy and Dawn are not your friends or your family" he pointed out, "Nobody wants you here so why don't you just leave, your services are no longer required" he said, thrusting a blanket into the vamps hands to guard against the sun.

"Was goin' anyway" he lied, as Dawn came out of the bathroom. He wasn't about to start a fight in front of her or within the hearing of Buffy. Besides there was little he could do physically against Xander without the chip frying his brain.

* * *

Within her room, Buffy picked up the mug of antidote from her night-stand and looked at it with some distaste. No drink, anti-demon spell or otherwise, should look or smell this bad, she thought. Noises beyond her door caught her attention and her head snapped up as she listened. Spike and Xander were fighting again, Dawn was whining and crying like she always did, as Willow tried to gain some kind of control over the whole situation.

Buffy closed her eyes and wished it all away, before she realised something. Her eyes opened once again and she stared down at the poison she held in her hands, because that's what it looked like. How could this be her cure, and why would she want to cure her ability to get out of this hell she lived in, she wondered.

She started to ask herself which was more believable, a world where she was a crazy girl in a hospital or a place full of demons and monsters that she had to fight everyday. It was getting harder, worse, more depressing all the time. Life shouldn't be like this, she knew it shouldn't. She'd felt detached, not really there at all for months, ever since the gang had pulled her back from Heaven.

Doors slammed and feet pounded on the stairs making Buffy wince. Everything here was harsh and loud, everyone around her cared more about bitching at each other than they did about her, and to confess the truth she couldn't find it within herself to care much about even that.

As more yelling and crying permeated through the door, Buffy tipped the contents of the mug she held into the trash basket by her bed. Closing her eyes she concentrated on her mothers voice that lingered inside her mind and in seconds she was back in the hospital bed, her parents and William looking down at her.

"I don't wanna go back there" she told them shakily "I wanna stay here with you"

"Oh sweetie" Joyce cried with relief, "We want that too, but first you have to get better"

"Tell me what to do" she begged, just wanting so badly the life she supposedly had here. A life where she was relatively normal, and the people around her were too. A life where her parents still loved each other and her. A life that could have William in it perhaps.

* * *

Buffy didn't care much for the doctor that stood beside her bed, looking a little severely at her, but what he was saying was very important if she wanted to stay here.

"It's not going to be easy, Buffy" he explained, as her parents looked on. William had wanted to stay but realised this was a family thing and Buffy would probably feel more comfortable and able to do what she must without him crowding her. He promised to return tomorrow though, despite the fact he wasn't supposed to be working.

"You have to take it one step at a time" the doctor continued to tell Buffy, "You have to start ridding your mind of those things that support your hallucinations. The things in that world that you cling to. For your delusion, they're safe-holds, but for your mind they're traps. We have to break those down" he told her.

"My friends?" she guessed, not sure whether she was pleased or saddened when the doctor nodded she was correct.

"Last summer, when you had a momentary awakening, it was them that pulled you back in" the doctor explained, making the blonde frown. She hadn't been in Heaven before, she'd been here in this place. It was so bright and clean and her mother had been here, she'd just assumed... but that world she thought she belonged in wasn't real. She'd never died just tried to get better, and her so-called friends, those beings she'd created in her head, had held her back from healing like she should.

"They're not really your friends, Buffy" her father chipped in, "They're just tricks keeping you from getting healthy" he said firmly and she nodded dumbly, finding it was a lot to take in. To find out that after six years of slaying and fighting and hanging out with friends, that all of it was unreal, a delusion, figments of a disease she must defeat.

"You have to do whatever it takes to convince yourself of that, sweetie" Joyce said gently squeezing her hand, "Whatever it takes"

Buffy nodded once again that she understood before pushing the world away and letting the supposed delusion take her. If she was going to convince herself these friends she'd had were gone, she was the one that would have to make them go away. They must be dead to her, and so they would be.

* * *

"Oh, Buffy" Willow was startled to find the Slayer right behind her when she turned around in the kitchen, "I was just coming to check on you. Are you feeling better?" she asked, "Did the antidote work?"

"Sure" Buffy nodded, looking a little spaced, "I mean, it'll probably take a while for me to be... normal, but getting there" she nodded, forcing a slight smile.

"Well, we still have the big bad all chained up in the basement" the red-head told her, "In case it didn't work and we need more parts. It'll be nice to see you all better" she smiled, hugging Buffy briefly.

"Thanks" the blonde smiled, "Actually, there was something I thought of that you could do, y'know to make me feel better" she said innocently. Willow of course promised she'd do anything if it'd help Buffy out, they were best friends after all. She never even saw the vase coming until it smashed across her head.

* * *

"Hello?" Xander called as he let himself into 1630 Revello Drive.

Once he'd seen off Spike this morning he'd headed to work. Then, when he'd got home at the end of the day, he'd called to check on Buffy's condition but the phone just rang and rang til finally the machine picked up. It was unlikely all three girls had gone out, especially since Buffy wasn't at all well, and if none of them could make it to the phone, surely that meant badness.

It was with caution he entered the house, calling for Buffy, Willow, and Dawn, none of which answered him. He was just about to go up the stairs when Buffy appeared from the kitchen startling him.

"Hey" he smiled, "Look at you, sane-girl" he said as he came towards her, "You feeling better?"

"A little" she shrugged, stepping towards him, "About to get a whole lot better" she added flatly, producing a frying pan from behind her back and clocking him across the head. He hit the floor with a thump and looked up at her in a daze.

"Buffy?" he tried to get up but his head span furiously.

"No!" he heard her shout before there was a second sharp pain in the back of his head and the world went black.

Without emotion, Buffy put down her weapon and picked up Xander's unconscious form, dragging him down to the basement. He was tied to a post in the centre of the room as Willow and Dawn, both bound and gagged on the floor, looked on helplessly, still struggling to free themselves.

"Have to do this, you have to go, I have to let go" Buffy muttered to herself as she stepped warily towards the demon chained up to the post opposite Xander. Tears crept down her cheeks as her friends muffled cries assaulted her ears. Her hands stilled near the chains.

"It's okay, Buffy" the doctors voice told her "Don't stress yourself"

"Honey, take your time" Mom chimed in, so kind and loving and strong.

"Make it as easy on yourself as possible, sweetheart" Daddy told her, "There's nothing wrong with that"

Buffy concentrated on their voices and knew she was doing the right thing as she unchained the monster that writhed and fought to be free. She backed up against the wall beneath the stairs and Xander regained consciousness only to be faced by the demon he and Spike had caught less than twenty-four hours ago.

"Buffy!" the boy yelled, "Untie me! Help me!" he begged of her, and she covered her ears with her hands, crying and closing her eyes tight shut.

"Buffy!" his voice morphed into her father's own and she opened her eyes to see both him and her mother still there with her, holding her hand, assuring her it'd be okay if she can just get rid of these people, these things that held her to that awful world inside her mind.

"It's gonna be okay, sweetheart" Joyce promised her, "Whatever it is, it's not real, remember? Just keep concentrating"

"We're right here, sweetie" Hank added, "We believe in you"

Buffy nodded that she understood as a loud crash caught her attention and she was back in the basement full of loud noises and the horrific sight of the demon attacking those she'd held dear for so long.

She turned her back on the scene, hiding her face as Dawn's gag came free and she screamed, but the sounds of fighting lessened. The terrible noises of distress faded away to nothing and Buffy hurtled back to the hospital, finding herself huddled in the corner of the room with Joyce right in front of her.

For the first time in a long time she felt like she was safe.

"Mommy?" she checked, voice cracking with emotion as tears ran down her cheeks.

"Buffy" her mother said gently, putting a hand to her face "are you...?"

"They're gone" the blonde interrupted before crying like she'd never stop. Joyce pulled her into her arms and rocked her like a baby.

"It's okay, honey" she said, also crying out of pure relief to have her child back in the real world, "It's all over now"

To Be Continued...


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N : Thanks so much to all the latest reviewers; spuffy-monica, spuffy4eva, Danni Rand, Ghostwriter, aej1085, KelleyTheSelfToastablePopTart, Rebel Goddess, Daniel Wesley Rydell, Lifes-Slayer, Spuffy2008, goldenshadows, wicked-angel-413, and kargrif. I'm glad people are sticking with this story. It's gonna get way different to the ep from here on out, at least thats the plan. I hope you all continue to read, enjoy, and review.  
**_**(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)**_

Chapter 5

Spike stood on the doorstep of 1630 Revello Drive, a cheap box a chocolates in his hand that was all he could afford at the convenience store once he'd bought his cigarettes. He wanted to bring something for Buffy, remembering that it was customary among real people, human beings, to bring gifts for those that had been ill. Of course one usually brought fruit of some kind, but then the average patient wasn't hallucinating mental asylums for kicks.

The vampire raised his fist to knock on the door before changing his mind and heading around the house to the back. If Xander was watching over the Slayer as he was prone to do, Spike knew he stood no chance of being let into the house. The back door would probably be unlocked and he hoped once he was in the house there'd be no talk of throwing him out, especially once the Nibblet had seen him.

It was as he came through the door into the kitchen, looking around for signs of life, he smelt something. Two things he realised, and neither of them good. One the strong scent of abject fear and the other, human blood. Both were coming from the basement and he tossed his gift on the counter top as he bolted to the door and down the stairs to the sounds of Dawn's screams and Xander yelling.

"Bloody hell" Spike cursed as he vaulted the banister rail to save time, landing right by the glarghk guhl kashmanik. He struck the thing across the face, simultaneously kicking it somewhere that ought to have been painful if it's anatomy worked as humans did.

The creature turned from it's human targets to fight only Spike. Xander's bonds had been snapped in the tussle and he quickly worked on freeing Dawn and Willow, before scrambling for the tranquilliser gun, depsite the fact his hand was cut and bleeding. Two shots brought the demon to the floor and Spike wasted no time grabbing the being's head and twisting till it's neck snapped with a sickening crunch.

"What the bleedin' hell happened here!" he asked, breathing heavily from the exertion of the fight, despite the fact he did not really need to at all.

"Buffy" Willow both answered his question and called to her friend with the same word. Dawn stayed back as the red-head and Xander went to the Slayer's side. They shook her gently and called her name but to no avail. She was unconscious, or so it would seem, though her eyes remained open, staring and unseeing.

"She, she was going to let it kill us" Dawn said shakily and Spike moved toward her, "She wanted us dead"

"No, Bit" the vampire told her gently, one eye kept firmly on his precious Slayer, "She's just confused, all that demon juice in her, shaken her up a bit is all. She meant you no real harm, luv"

"Buffy!" Xander persisted in trying to get her attention but Willow shook her head sadly, a tear finding it's way down her cheek.

"It's no good" she cried, glancing over at Dawn who stared in disbelief, "I think... she's gone"

"But she'll be back" Spike said flatly, swallowing hard, "She did this before, upstairs. Zoned right out, like she was sleepin' with her eyes open but, she came back"

"Yeah" Dawn agreed, "She's not really gone" she shook her head, voice cracking with emotion, despite her being angry just a moment ago.

Xander shared a look with Willow and spoke softly.

"Let's get her upstairs, make her comfortable, then you can get to work on some more antidote"

"The demon's dead" the witch said, also shaking her head, "I don't even know if..."

"Ifs and buts later, Will" he told her, with a look that said these things shouldn't be said in front of Dawnie, "We have to try. It's Buffy" he said and it was inspiration enough for all of them.

The Slayer had saved all their lives so many times. Now she really needed their help, and they would give it as best they could.

* * *

"Mrs Summers?" William said cautiously as he arrived at the hospital next morning. He hadn't slept too well last night, his head filled with thoughts of Buffy and dreams of how good things could be if she finally escaped her delusion. Not that there was anything to say she'd want to know him better given the chance, he was just ordinary and boring and not exactly popular. Buffy was special, beautiful, and he was certain had been terribly popular before her unfortunate illness took hold. Even when she returned to reality, he doubted she'd take an interest in him, but a man had to dream.

"Oh William" Joyce smiled as she came towards him, "William, it's wonderful" she said, hugging the surprised young man, "Buffy's come back to us" she enthused and the grin that covered his face at that news threatened never to shift. He knew better than most that it'd be all too easy for the poor girl to slip back into her deluded state, but with her parents and himself helping her he was sure they could help her keep her grip on reality.

"May I see her?" he asked Joyce hopefully and she nodded.

"Of course, dear" she told him, "I'm sure she'll be glad to see you. Hank and I left her a few minutes ago, the doctor needed to run a few tests but as soon as he's done you're welcome to sit with her a while.

They headed towards Buffy's room together and arrived just as the doctor exited.

"William, I thought today was your day off" he said with a look.

"I was just, that is to say, I wondered how Buffy was doing" he stammered. The doctor patted his shoulder as he walked by.

"I know you have affection for the girl, Will" he said with a smile, "And I'm sure she'll be happy enough to see you, just don't tire her out too much"

The grin returned to the young man's face as he tapped on the door out of pure politeness before going inside.

"Hello Buffy" he said uncertainly, "I, I heard you're feeling better"

"Hi...William" she said, thinking before she spoke. She had to remember that Spike wasn't real, and that this man that looked similar was in fact called William, the human name of the vampire she'd invented in her head.

"I wondered if perhaps you'd like some company for a while" he ventured, standing at the end of her bed, "but of course I can go if..."

"No" she said quickly, "No, I'd like you to stay" she told him, smiling at the same time he did.

She watched him walk around her bed and take a seat in the chair beside her, and wondered at how similar he was to the vampire she both loved and hated inside what had turned out to be a delusion. Same stature, same cheekbones, same bright blue eyes. The difference was in the hair that was it's natural light brown and curly here, and the fact he wore dark blue jeans and a buttoned shirt, instead of uniform black and a leather coat made a big difference too.

A silence stretched out between them that turned quickly from comfortable to awkward. William shifted in his seat.

"Isn't it ridiculous" he muttered, "I could say anything at all to you before and now... now that you're paying attention to me I don't know where to begin" he smiled nervously, looking down at his fingers that fidgeted by the edge of her bed.

Buffy reached down and put her hand on his, finding it a little startling that his own hands were warm to her touch.

"Tell me the things you used to tell me" she said, as he glanced up and their eyes met, "I'd like to know what I've missed" she told him, "The world is probably very different to how I left it... it's been six years"

Her voice disappeared and she stared past him and out of the window. It was just hitting her, the fact she'd lost so much of her youth to a disease, albeit mental rather than physical. It had taken away her freedom, her independence, her very world. She wasn't sure yet how she was supposed to get over that.

"Buffy!" William said urgently, making her physically jump, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you" he apologised immediately, "I just, when you stopped responding..."

"It's okay" she nodded her understanding, "I think my Mom was scared that when I went to sleep I wouldn't wake up" she admitted sadly, "Kind of bothered me too"

"You're going to be okay, Buffy" William assured her, squeezing her hand, "You're a very strong young woman, and there are people here that believe in you"

"Like you" she realised as she looked at him seriously. Their eyes locked together and for the first time in months William saw perfect clarity in her hazel orbs. She was totally here with him, not half elsewhere in a fake world she'd invented, but really here.

"Yes, Buffy" he said solemnly, "I'm here for you, I believe in you"

She smiled at that as she laid back on the bed and closed her eyes. She wanted to stay awake, keep talking to William, see her parents again, but she was just so tired.

"I should go" she heard the Spike-double say as his hand slipped from hers. With lightening reactions she grabbed his fingers again, her eyes shooting open.

"Do you have to?" she asked, looking terribly innocent and childlike. William's heart just melted.

"Not if you wish me to stay" he admitted, "I just thought you wanted to rest"

"I can rest with you here" Buffy said softly, feeling a little silly needing someone to stay with her until she fell asleep, but the truth was she was still very wary of this world. Apart from her parents, William was the only familiar person she'd seen here. He had all the best parts of Spike with none of the badness, making him almost too good to be true.

"I shall stay if you wish it" he promised, and she smiled as she closed her eyes again.

"Just until I fall asleep" she murmured as the land of dreams took her over.

When William noticed her breathing even out and was certain Buffy was asleep he slipped his hand out from under hers and stood up to leave. He didn't want to go. Truthfully he could stay here forever, watching her sleep until she woke again and smiled bright as the sun, but her parents deserved some time with her, after so many years of waiting for their daughter to return.

As he stood looking at her now he wondered how he'd come to feel so much for the girl. It was almost four years ago that he'd spent part of his training at the institution. He'd seen her first then and if he hadn't had more sense he'd have reckoned he'd fallen in love with her on sight, despite the fact she didn't see him at all. When his training ended and he was forced to leave, he was told if he wanted to come back to claim a full time job he was more than welcome, but he was headed back to England assuming he'd never return.

Six months later, following the unfortunate passing of his mother, William had come back to America, intent on settling down in the foreign land. He loved California and he had made some friends there during his training in Los Angeles. He visited the institution just days after arriving back in LA and had found Buffy still there, still terribly unwell.

Within a few months he'd accepted the offer of a job there and had stayed there ever since, tending to patients, assisting doctors, and slowly falling deeper and deeper in love with Buffy Summers, a girl that it seemed didn't even know he existed. Last Summer he'd hoped they'd got her back, she'd seemed so lucid and aware of everybody, but this time was short lived and her delusion soon pulled her back out of reality.

This time she seemed to really be back in the real world. She had taken to calling him William, which he took to be a good sign, after spending the better part of last Summer convincing her his name wasn't Spike. He could only assume there was a character in her fantasy that wore his face, which both disturbed and thrilled him at the same time. She'd noticed him enough to place him in her hallucination, and yet he was not himself there.

The ramblings within his head did no good and he sighed in defeat, watching as Buffy shifted in her sleep and smiled feintly. He hoped she was having sweet dreams, perhaps of the two of them together. It was wishful thoughts like this that often filled his own head of a night. Beautiful images of them walking and talking and laughing and kissing, if only such dreams would one day come true - he lived in hope.

"Sweet dreams, luv" he whispered, leaning over to place a soft kiss on her forehead, "I'll see you later"

* * *

Dawn was crying in her room. She'd barely stopped since Willow had told her Buffy really was under this spell for a semi-permenant amount of time. Spike could hear the Nibblet from here, bawling her eyes out, the smell of salt water evident even at this range. The whelp was outside the kid's door, giving words of comfort as best he could, whilst the little red witch poured over books downstairs, desperate to find a stronger, better cure for Buffy's bizarre ailment.

Spike had been left to watch over the patient, a minor miracle given Xander's usual threats. Still, someone needed to stay with the comatose Slayer and after his little bout of life-saving just an hour ago, the Scoobies couldn't really accuse him of being untrustworthy. Her eyes had fallen closed a few minutes ago and Spike was half afraid his precious girl was about to shuffle off this mortal coil, but her breathing remained and he kept a check on her pulse, holding her hand in his, fingers curled down her wrist. He would live by the rhythm of her heart until she came back to him, despite the fact she'd probably kick him out of her house the moment she came to. He wouldn't care. He just wanted to know she was okay.

"I'm sorry we couldn't stop this sooner, pet" he said softly in the silent room, "I just hope, whatever world your seein', it might be a bit happier than what we've got here" he sighed, "Hope you're having sweet dreams, luv" he whispered, leaning over her and pressing a kiss to her forehead, before settling back into the chair beside her and preparing for a long days vigil.

_To Be Continued..._


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N : Thanx to; spuffy-monica, Spuffy2008, KelleyTheSelfToastable, Hellmouth2, Ghostwriter, wicked-angel-413, aej1085, Rebel Goddess, Daniel Wesley Rydell, kargrif, Melody Lane, and axlgroupie91, for the latest reviews, you all rock. In answer to a couple of questions, I'm not sure yet how long this story will be, and as for which world is real, that's not something I'm going to say anything about right now. Hope you like the new chapter.  
**_**(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)**_

Chapter 6

Three days passed, no change occurred. Buffy Summers was alive in Sunnydale, in the sense of her having a pulse and breathing, but her mind was dead, at least in that realm of existence. It seemed the hallucinations were so strong that they had taken over, somehow convinced Buffy they were more real than the hellmouth city she lived in. Willow, Xander and Dawn took turns to sit by her bed, usually talking to her, hoping she could hear them and would eventually fight back, find her way home to them.

It was getting dark out, Xander had noticed. He'd been sitting with his friend whilst Dawn got some much needed sleep and Willow searched yet again for a spell or potion she might use to bring Buffy out of her state. She knew in many ways it was wrong for her to use magicks again, but even Xander and Dawn had conceded it was a necessary evil in this case.

"How is she?" said a voice from the bedroom door and Xander turned to see Spike, Willow right behind him.

"What the hell is he doing here?" the carpenter snapped as he got to his feet. Whilst the vampire had been welcome in the house when he was saving their lives, that little bit of info seemed to have been conveniently forgotten now.

"Xander, please, no fighting" his witch friend begged "We're all here for Buffy, so can we please just all get along for five minutes?"

The young man nodded but Spike barely heard what Willow had said, his eyes fixed on his lover. He hated to see her like this, it was the second time, the first being when Dawn was kidnapped by Glory. He felt so helpless, he'd stayed away for the last three days in an attempt to ease his own pain, but he had to see his Slayer, find a way to help.

Willow had let him into the house, offered him a turn at sitting with the seemingly unconscious girl whilst the rest of the gang caught up some much needed sleep. The witch explained this to Xander who eventually conceded that he was tired and maybe it was an okay plan.

"At least with the chip he can't hurt her" he mumbled as he left the room, of course he was wrong, but Spike had no intention of hurting the girl, he loved her so much, he just wanted her back. Even if she woke up and told him to leave forever he didn't care. She could scream at him, punch him, hell she could stake him, so long as she woke up he just didn't care.

"Buffy" Willow said to her still and silent friend, "Spike's here to see you..." then she turned to the man in question, "Keep talking to her. I don't know if she can hear us but it might help" the witch told him, not really sure if he heard her as he sat down on the bed beside the girl with the blank stare.

"I'll give you two some time" Willow said more to herself than the vampire who looked so pained and like he felt so useless, so full of blame even though he'd done nothing to cause this.

"Hey now, Slayer" Spike said, after a few moments silence, just watching her not move "Time to wake up" he smiled "Your mates are all in a panic, Nibblet too, and I've got to admit you're starting to worry me too, luv"

Of course he got no response from her but he continued to talk.

"Bet you didn't know the Big Bad got scared, did you?" he said quietly "Well, normally I wouldn't, but everything's different when it's you" he admitted, trying to push back the tears in his eyes and the lump in his throat, "God, Buffy, if I lose you again... it almost did for me last time, I couldn't go through that again..." he trailed off feeling like such a nancy boy but unable to control his feelings when it came to his beloved girl.

"You gotta fight, Slayer" he told her firmly, gripping her hand tight in his, "If not for me, then do it for the Nibblet and your mates. We all love you"

* * *

"We all love you, sweetheart" Joyce told her daughter as she sat on the edge of the bed, gripping Buffy's hand and brushing hair from her face at the same time, "We love you very much and we just want you to be totally well again"

"I want that too" Buffy said quietly, her voice coming out with a break in it, she had missed her mother so much.

"I know, honey" Joyce smiled, "and you're doing really well, and the doctors and nurses will help you with the rest"

"Buffy" the young girls attention was diverted from the warm smile of her mother to the harsher features of man in a white coat, "it's important that you truly want to leave that fantasy world behind" the doctor told her.

"I do" Buffy nodded "I really do. I did what you said" she said like a proud child, "they're all gone, my friends... the traps" she amended with a watery smile "I... I dealt with them"

"That's wonderful" the doctor smiled, "but now more than ever it's important that you find bonds in the real world" he told her, emphasis on the word 'real', "Strong relationships you can hold onto so your attachment to reality becomes stronger than the attachment to the delusion" he pressed the point "Do you understand?"

"Yes" the girl nodded, firmly a she could, "I want to stay here with my parents"

This caused both Mr and Mrs Summers to smile, so glad to have their daughter back with them, healthy and happy, she was well on the way to both.

"That's very good, Buffy" the doctor said again as the door opened and in came William. Buffy was so pleased to see him, her other world Spike, the one constant person wherever she was, she knew she'd be fine so long as he was around. She'd been a little worried when he was gone for the past three days but her mother had explained he had some time booked off and despite his best attempts to revoke it, his supervisor had insisted he take the rest, he really needed it.

"We need to talk to the doctor" Buffy heard her mother say faintly as her attention stuck on the male nurse before her "but we'll be back real soon" Joyce promised, making for the door of the room with her husband and the doctor, "William will sit with you now, okay?"

Buffy nodded mutely but smiled as wide as ever.

"Hey, Buffy" the variant Spike smiled as he sat down in the same place Joyce had been.

"Hi, Spi...William" Buffy mentally kicked herself for her slip, but he was so much like Spike, it astounded her, and she was tired, making her thoughts fuzzy anyway.

"Luv" William sighed "this 'Spike' isn't real" he told her somewhat sternly, "but I am, you know that don't you?"

"Uh-huh" she yawned, "You must be what he was like before... when he was human..." Buffy mumbled, mostly to herself, her eyes fluttering open and closed, "different hair... but same eyes and..."

"Buffy" William said with a little panic in his voice as he put his hands on her shoulders, "Stay with me, pet"

Her eyes shot open, suddenly as awake as ever, making him jump a little and remove his hands from her.

"I will" she smiled up at him before glancing away, all shy and coy, in a way the Slayer version of herself would never have behaved around the other Spike, "I know you'll keep me safe" she all but whispered "so I won't go anywhere"

That made William smile too.

"We all want to keep you safe, Buffy" he promised her, "all the doctors and nurses and, of course, your parents"

"I am safe here" she nodded, "no demons"

"No" he agreed, "no demons, just the regular, normal world" he assured her, "You glad to be back with us?" he asked with a slight smile.

Buffy seemed to consider for a moment - a world without demons or vampires or evils of any supernatural kind, just a regular normal world. She closed her eyes tiredly and memories from before, setting a demon on her supposed friends, flooded her mind. She opened her eyes again a little startled and realised with William here gripping her hand and a little concentration it was possible to block out that horrible world almost completely.

"Never been more glad to be anywhere in my life" she smiled, and at that moment she meant every word.

* * *

"Spike?" said a voice from the door and he surruptisciously wiped a hand across his eyes as he turned to look at Dawn, making sure his tears were all gone.

"Hey Nibblet, how you holding up?" he asked as she came into the room. She didn't answer his question just shrugged as she sat down on the edge of the bed by her sister who now had her eyes closed, a little less daunting than when she seemed to look right through her before.

"Gotta be strong for Big Sis, y'know" the vampire told the younger girl as tears welled up in her eyes.

"I'm trying, Spike" she cried, "I am, but it's so hard to see her this way" she said as tears ran down her cheeks and she threw herself into his arms.

"I know, luv" he sighed, fighting back his own tears as he rubbed Dawn's back soothingly and let her sob all over his shirt. Wasn't the first time they'd done this, mourned together for the loss of the Slayer. Even though she was not technically gone this time, she wasn't exactly there either.

Dawn ended up mostly on his lap, glad of the comforting embrace and soft words he whispered into her hair. He was her older brother, too young in looks to be her Dad she always thought but filling in for her absentee father quite well when she needed him to. The rest of the gang tried but she always wondered if she imagined it or if she saw something in their eyes, fear or dislike of her because she wasn't what they thought. Their minds had been altered to include her, a blob of energy forced into this young girl form by monks, she was less human than even Spike or Anya who had at least been born as such. They had some understanding of her though, and she was grateful for the affection she got from her favourite vampire.

"I'm sorry" she said, sniffing as she looked at him, "You must think I'm so lame, crying all over you like a little kid" she glanced away, hiding behind her hair. Spike put his hand to her face and made her look at him.

"There's nothing wrong with crying for your sister" he told her sternly, "Proves you care is all, that you love her like you ought to, right?"

"Right" she nodded in agreement, feeling that little bit stronger when he was around, "You think she'll come back?" she asked a moment later, getting off his knee and sitting back on the bed by Buffy.

"Gotta believe it" Spike answered, reaching for the Slayers hand and holding it tight as he often did, "Gotta wish it and hope it cos honestly, Bit, I dunno how to get along if she doesn't"

* * *

"Hey now, Buffy" William smiled as she stirred from her sleep and found him beside her, gripping her hand, "How are you feeling?"

"I think I feel... normal" she told him awkwardly, wondering if that was how she felt. Things were still a little weird but she so wanted to stay in this world, not so much in the hospital though so she was willing to say whatever it took to get discharged.

"You're not normal, Buffy" William told her and her eyes went wide as she turned to him, "No, what I mean to say is... you're not average or ordinary" he amended off her frightened gaze, "You're more than that, better and special, you matter to me, a lot" he said a little more than he meant to in his rambley state and Buffy's face softened into a confused smile.

"That's sweet" she said "but you really don't know me that well"

"Well, no, not terribly well" William admitted, looking down and then up at her face again, "but I've spent so much time around you and then there was last Summer, do you remember any of it?" he asked her hopefully.

"I... yes, a little bit" she told the truth, she'd obviously been right about that Summer, about what she thought had been heaven...

"It's okay" he told her soothingly, "I don't expect you to remember much" he paused and shifted uncomfortably, not at all a thing Spike would do, "If it's alright with you..." he began nervously "I'd like to get to know you better, the real Buffy Summers"

Buffy smiled at his timid nature, how he stumbled over his words and was so nervous around her. It was becoming increasingly obvious that William was quite attached to her, just as Spike had been, but in a less threatening way... yes, definitely, less threatening.

"That'd be nice" she smiled, realising she had not yet answered him, "I'd kind of like to get to know the real William too" she told him, meaning very word. It'd be nice to know this man, this human who had the looks and love for her that the vampire had but with a gentleness she had rarely seen from the demon incarnate, but then she'd never really given him the chance to be nice.

"Then you shall know me better" William smiled back, "We shall get to know each other better"

There was a pause where the two only smiled. He could not be more thrilled to have her there with him, really there, more aware of him than she'd ever been before. From the first moment he'd seen her, he'd loved her. She was beautiful, that much was obvious, but he somehow saw beyond it, saw the beauty inside, in her eyes and her smile.

To realise she was a patient and be forced to tend to her as she slipped into a mostly comatose state, writhing in horror through the night and scrambling away from him during the day, it had been painful, but just to be near her and know he was aiding her recovery somehow, it all helped. Knowing one day his sleeping beauty might wake again, realise that she was the object of his affection and return what he felt for her... it was a dream he'd almost given up on until now.

"You go home this afternoon, don't you?" he asked suddenly.

"If I pass my test for sanity, yeah" Buffy nodded, "Not that that's what the doctor calls it but I figured that's more or less what it's about"

"Yes, well" William rolled his eyes at her phrasing "you'll pass and go home and then I thought perhaps" he paused "I might come and visit you?" he asked, waiting hopefully for her approval.

"That'd be nice" she replied, somewhat shyly, unsure why she felt so girly and childish when he smiled at her that way, but loving it.

This was what it was like, she realised, before she was the Slayer. No, she amended in her mind, before the delusion. This was the real her, and as much as William wanted to get to know her, Buffy both wanted and needed to get to know herself all over again too, as well as this seemingly wonderful man. The best thing she ever did, she thought, was fight her way out of her hallucinations, that hell she'd invented called Sunnydale. This was where she belonged, with her parents and William, and this was where she was determined to stay.

_To Be Continued...  
_


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N : Love how I have you all trying to guess which world Buffy will end up in! For now I can't answer that question, but I hope you all continue to enjoy reading about the events in both worlds.  
(**_**For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)**_

Chapter 7

"Buffy?" Joyce called softly as she entered her daughters room to find her out of bed and looking out the window at the view and sun shining brightly in the blue sky.

"Hey Mom" she replied, turning to her "You okay?"

"Yes, sweetheart, I'm perfectly fine" her mother told her, smiling as she came to stand beside her, "I'm just so glad you're back with us, it'd been so hard"

"I'm sorry" Buffy apologised, glancing down at her feet until Joyce put a hand on her shoulder and caused her to look up again.

"Oh sweetheart, it's not your fault" she told her, pulling her into a hug, "We don't blame you. We all care about you so much"

"William said something similar" Buffy smiled as she looked at her mother, "He's going to come visit me Mom, when I go home. That's okay, right?" she checked as they moved to sit down in the edge of the bed together.

"Of course, if you want him to come that's fine" Joyce smiled, "It's good for you to have friends, more connections in the real world" she repeated words that the doctor had said to her before, hoping it were true, that this time Buffy would stay in reality with them and not slip away.

"He's sweet and I think he likes me" the younger blonde continued on about William, "which is a little weird but... he promised to come see me this afternoon, before I leave" she giggled like a teen, finding it was nice to know this guy liked her so much and was being so adorable about it, a guy she was actually allowed to like.

"Do you like him, Buffy?" her mother asked, surpressing a grin.

"I dunno" she shrugged, looking down at her hands as she played with the edge of the sheet on the bed, "I mean, yeah, I guess I like him, it just feels a little weird with him working here and all..." she trailed off, changing the subject completely when she spoke again, "Y'know I can't wait to go home" she told her mother excitedly, "Put on some proper clothes, watch TV, eat ice-cream, go to the mall, spend time with you and Dad, I've missed all that" she admitted.

"Oh sweetheart, it's so wonderful to have you back" Joyce was almost crying as she moved to hug her baby girl once again. It'd been too long, and she was over-whelmed by the concept of having her back and normal at last.

"It's great to be back, Mom" Buffy replied, "especially with you, I missed you most of all"

* * *

"I miss her so much, Will" Dawn cried as Willow hugged her, rubbing her back comfortingly and trying to ease her pain.

"I know, Dawnie" the witch sympathised "I do too, it's just, I don't know any other way to bring her back" she admitted, closing another useless book.

"What about going into her mind?" the teen said suddenly sitting up straight, "I mean sure it's gotta be tricky and dangerous and there's the whole totally gross side to it" she said making a face, "but you've done it before and if it would help...?"

"I'm not sure that it would" Willow shook her head sadly, "This is different to last time Dawn, this isn't just Buffy going into her own mind, this is some kind of hallucination" she explained, "it seems so real that she's living it, like another world, maybe even an alternate universe. Going inside of that, trying to bring her out, it could harm her or me, physically, emotionally, even neurologically"

Dawn opened her mouth to say something else but stopped short when Xander came down the stairs and spoke to the two girls on the couch.

"I can't believe how freaked Spike is" he said shaking his head in disbelief, "I mean, I know he said he loved the Buffster and everything but... sitting by her bed all the time, talking to her, saving us for her from that demon, it's just too weird. The guy's a mess because of this" he sighed as he sat down heavily in the armchair. He'd just left the bleached blond vampire upstairs, watching over the comatose Slayer so the gang could go to work and school and carry on the necessary research too. Xander swore he looked as if he'd been crying when he showed up.

"You feel sorry for Spike, Xan?" Willow joked slightly, "Things must be bad"

He smiled at her humour attempt before picking up a book from the table and turning a few pages in the hope he might randomly stumble upon a cure for the Slayer's hallucination-related coma.

"Any luck in getting hold of Giles yet?" he asked suddenly remembering the girls had been trying to do that earlier when it was his turn on Buffy watch.

"No, no luck yet" Willow shook her head, "and even if we can find him and get him here, I don't know that there's anything he could do" she sighed.

"But Buffy will be okay, right?" Dawn asked, looking between the two friends, "She'll come out of this soon?"

Neither Willow nor Xander could give her an answer to that.

* * *

"Just sign here, and here" the doctor pointed on the form and Buffy did as she was asked, signing her name on the two dotted lines.

"Okay, that's it" he smiled, "You're free to go, Miss Summers"

"Thankyou, doctor" the young blonde smiled right back at him, though she was a little disappointed to be leaving the hospital without seeing William. The idea of coming back once a month for sessions with the doctor didn't thrill her either, but that she could deal with. She was a little surprised by how disappointed she felt because of William's absence though.

"Buffy!" she heard his distinct English voice behind her and was grinning again when she turned around, "I was so afraid I would have missed you" William said as he arrived at her side.

"Nope, still here" she said pointlessly, "I thought you weren't coming" she admitted.

"I made you a promise, Buffy" he told her trying to meet her eyes as she looked away, "I don't break those if I can help it"

"So, I guess this is a kind of goodbye" she said a little sadly, "At least until you have time to come visit me"

"Is tomorrow too soon?" William ventured, knowing it would be torture to go more than a couple of days without seeing her.

"We'd be glad to see you, William" Joyce told him, finding the situation very sweet but desperate to get her little girl out of the place she'd been trapped in for years now.

The two young people shared one last smile and a wave as Buffy was escorted from the building by the proud parents. They'd spent so long hoping, wishing, and praying for the day when their daughter finally came back to them, and here they were walking out of the hospital with her at long last.

On the drive home Buffy watched out of the window as the scenery flitted past. It was so familiar in some ways and not at all in others. This was LA, this was home, but despite having pushed the delusions away, her memories of Sunnydale remained. Living with her mother at 1630 Revello Drive, and then with just Dawn and Willow and Tara as time passed and things changed. She shook her head and concentrated, looking into the front of the car at her parents. She had them both back now and together and so happy, it seemed.

Buffy smiled to herself, wondering why she'd ever made up the whole delusion of vampires and demons and Hellmouths. She'd got so caught up in it she'd pushed her father out and let her mother die, whilst in the real world they fought to hold onto her. Now she was back, she was loved, and she felt as if she belonged for the first time in such a long time.

"Well, here we are" Hank smiled as he pulled the car onto the drive, "Home sweet home"

The little family got out of the car and Buffy stood for a moment outside her old home, just staring.

"It's exactly how I remember" she whispered as her mother put an arm around her shoulders.

"Welcome Home, sweetheart"

* * *

"This is real heaven" Buffy sighed as she lolled on the couch with a tub of ice cream in her hands, a chick flick on the TV and her mother beside her in similar pose. Her father had gone to work this morning as normal, as the young blonde began her first full day of sane, home life.

"Of all the things you could be doing now you're home and you want to watch movies and eat junk" Joyce smiled indulgently, "I think you're going to get terribly bored"

"Are you kidding me?" Buffy almost laughed incredulously, "I can finally relax here! No slaying and..." she stopped when her mother shot her a look, "I'm sorry, Mom, it's just... it was so real"

"It's okay, sweet" Joyce nodded, putting down her ice-cream, not feeling at all able to eat it now, "but you really have to concentrate on pushing thoughts of that place away. It's not real"

"I know" Buffy assured her, stirring the Cookie Dough around as it melted slowly, "I know it wasn't real, but I can't just make the memories go away"

"It takes time, I guess" Joyce nodded in forced understanding, "but it'll get better Buffy, if you try and concentrate on staying here with us"

"That's what I want" her daughter agreed, "Oh, and he is definitely going to help" she gasped as the guy on the TV screen took off his shirt revealing a beautifully toned body.

"If your father catches us watching this..." Joyce began, eyes glued to the screen as she settled back on the couch and picked up her ice-cream once again.

"Uh-huh" Buffy answered absently, putting more Cookie Dough in her mouth. The conversation ended right there as the two women enjoyed their movie, laughing at the jokes and almost crying at the sweet romance.

"Why isn't life like that?" Buffy sighed, and though her question was rhetorical Joyce answered her.

"We can't live in a fairytale, sweetheart" she told her, switching off the TV as the credits rolled over a black screen, "but we can find love and happiness, given time"

"I guess" Buffy shrugged, "I mean, look at you and Dad"

"Exactly" Joyce forced a smile as she took away the ice-cream containers and spoons. Buffy wasn't sure why but she got the distinct feeling she'd upset her mother just then, but what she'd done she had no idea. She did not have time to dwell on it for long as someone knocked on the door.

"William" she smiled, a little awe-struck seeing him standing on the step bathed in the bright sunlight. She'd only ever seen Spike in the day time once and he was trying to kill her then.

"Well, look at you" William grinned, looking her up and down without being too obvious, "Much better in your own clothes I think, than those ghastly hospital clothes"

"Same for you" she returned the compliment, noting his smart pants and shirt in place of the pale green yucky uniform from the institution, "Oh, come in" she said at last, wondering where her manners were and knowing why. He really was kind of gorgeous, she realised almost going red just at the thought of it. Spike was hot in an evil kind of way, she wasn't so stupid she hadn't noticed that, but William was cute and sweet, and still totally kissable. She smiled in spite of herself as she thought how it might be to kiss William, he wondered what the look she gave him was for as they sat down on the couch.

"Something amusing you, Buffy?" he asked with a tilt of his head.

"No, not really" she shook her head, trying to hide her embarrassment, "I guess I'm just happy to be back, y'know? My Mom and Dad, I missed them so much and... I'm glad you're here too"

Buffy wasn't entirely sure whether she meant that sentence the way it came out. She was glad to have William at her house to visit her, which is doubtless how he'd taken her words, but deep down a part of her was really glad to have a familiar face from her apparently hallucinated world still with her. It was strange to think that in that world she had used Spike to feel, to keep her feeling alive in a world where she didn't belong. Now she had William here, a human being that cared for her a great deal, acting as a kind of anchor for her to this real world, but she wouldn't be using him any time soon, she'd learnt her lesson there, even if it had all been a figment of her imagination.

"Buffy, I have something to ask you" William's voice pulled the blonde from her thoughts and she looked up at him enquiringly, "I know things are difficult for you right now, it's a little strange for you I'm sure to be back in reality with all these memories that don't fit and... well, I meant what I said about getting to know you better, and not just as a friend"

"What are you saying, William?" she asked thinking she already knew but needing to hear it before she reacted. So much was uncertain, she wasn't going to assume anything right now.

"You're all I think about, Buffy, all I dream about" he began to explain, "I feel almost as if I'm drowning in you"

The blonde reeled back a little at his words, so close to those Spike had spoken just over a year ago now. He'd chained her to the wall of his crypt, told her he loved her and that he needed just a crumb, a shred of hope to cling to that he might feel the same. Now William was almost doing the same thing, the look in his eyes begging her to be kind, to say she felt something too. Just like that day, she did feel something, and on this occasion she chose to do the right thing, to admit it. This was real after all, not some delusion about a monster who would allow his ex to kill her if she didn't confess her true feelings. This was a nice man asking her to give him a chance, and she really wanted to do that.

"I've been thinking about you too" she admitted, "I think I could really like you, Spike, William" she amended fast, feeling terrible about her mistake when he looked away.

"I wish you would remember I am not him" he said sadly, "I don't want you to like me because you dreamt up a man that wore my face, Buffy, I might be a terrible disappointment"

"No, William" Buffy told him, reaching to take his hand in hers and making him look up sharply, "I don't think you will ever disappoint me" she assured him, "and I'm sorry I called you... that name. Everything's still kinda mixed up in my head" she said with a pained expression.

"It's alright, luv" he said softly, eyes meeting hers, full of adoration and sincerity, as he squeezed her hand, "I'm going to help you through this, if you'll let me"

Buffy smiled and nodded at that. He really did mean it, she could see it in his beautiful blue eyes. Life could be so much better here in the real world, she wondered why she'd ever invented Sunnydale at all. Right now, she couldn't think of one reason why she would ever want to go back.

_To Be Continued...  
_


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N : Seems we have major mixed reactions about whether Buffy should be in the Sunnydale world or the LA world, and also mixed opinions on which is really real! I couldn't possible give away those kinda secrets right now, but here's a new chapter for you all!  
_(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)_**

Chapter 8

"How is she?" Spike asked from Buffy's bedroom doorway. Willow glanced up from the book in her lap and shook her head sadly at the bleached blond.

"No change" she confirmed, "I tried talking to her for a while but... it's not easy"

Spike nodded absently his eyes fixed on the Slayer as she stared straight ahead, almost looking right through him. A lesser man might've been disturbed, repelled even, but all Spike felt was love and loss. Every day since Buffy had lapsed into her unconscious state, the vampire had arrived at Revello Drive just before sun-up to sit at the Slayer's side, watching and waiting and wishing she'd come back to reality.

When darkness fell again, he headed back to his crypt and the Scoobies took their turn at watching over their friend, having spent their day at school and work as well as researching possible theories and ways of helping Buffy out of her current situation, and catching up on some much needed sleep. Everything from tracking down another Glarkh-guhl kashmanik, to Dawn's suggestion of Willow walking within Buffy's mind as she had once before, every option carefully thought over and disscussed and so far to no avail.

"You need anything?" Willow asked as she picked up her books and vacated the chair at Buffy's bedside. Spike shook his head in the negative as he came forward, still staring at his precious Slayer. Willow didn't know just how sensitive he could be til now. Though Spike had never been an average vampire in more than one way, he was proving now just how much he cared for Buffy. Even Xander had to admit the he felt real emotions and all those connected to love he kept especially for Buffy, and also Dawn in a different kind of way.

It was almost two weeks now since she'd lost her best friend into a hallucinated world, and Willow prayed every day they'd find a cure. Still, the gang were getting into a routine of patrolling and researching and watching over Buffy. It was strange but Spike had become a part of that routine. Blood was kept in the refrigerator as a matter of course, blankets were on standby in case his journey to and from the crypt ran too close to sun rise, and the cot had been set up in the basement after one occasion when he'd got stuck in the house by the daylight. The poor guy was just as exhausted as the rest of the Scoobies, putting in time even though no one ever asked him too.

Willow sighed as she left the bedroom, pulling the door almost closed behind her. Checking her watch she realised she just had time for breakfast and a few hours sleep before she had another lecture to attend at the college. Then it was back to research and another attempt to contact Giles who was still unreachable as yet. Possibly the only person who might have bigger and better ideas than the rest of them and they couldn't get a hold of him.

Willow only hoped that something good would happen soon, that Buffy could come back to them. There was no way to know what life was like in the world she'd been sucked into, but she was probably desperately unhappy there.

* * *

"I feel so stupidly happy" Buffy giggled like a teen as she got ready for her date with William.

After promising to be there for her and help her through everything he'd asked if she would like to go out with him sometime and she had agreed immediately. That was five days ago and here she was on Saturday night, her mother helping her to style her hair as she debated whether she was actually wearing the most perfect outfit or whether she should change again.

"All I ever want is your happiness, sweetheart" Joyce smiled at her daughter's reflection in the mirror as she finished pinning up her hair for her, "That okay?"

"Perfect" Buffy smiled, turning to look at her mother, "Thanks Mom.You really think this outfit is okay?" she checked and Joyce rolled her eyes.

"Really, Buffy, you look beautiful" she told her, "Just like you did in the last five dresses, three skirts and four shirts you tried"

"Sorry" the younger blonde blushed, "I guess I'm being a little overly much about this but... this is the first proper date I've had in years, all the others..." she shook her head, "There were no others" she told herself firmly aloud, "This is my first date in years and I'm going to enjoy it"

"I hope you do, sweetie" Joyce smiled, so proud of her daughters determination to beat her condition.

The doctors had told them she might need drugs for a while to stabilise her moods and so forth, but such pills were only to be administered if absolutely necessary and Buffy had been just fine since she arrived back home.

Buffy herself found she didn't have to try too hard to forget Sunnydale, though she knew it'd never leave her mind completely. It was a pleasure to know she didn't have to slay vampires and demons anymore, and having her parents back in her life and together was a dream come true.

She did miss Dawnie, and Willow, and Xander, though she never mentioned it to anybody. She told herself they were only good friends to her because she made them be that way. They were figments of her imagination and now they were gone, dead, finished. As for Spike, well she still had him here, only better than ever. He was human and she should feel no shame for liking him, maybe even loving him. He seemed to like her a whole lot already and Buffy hoped the feelings between them would grow.

The doorbell and Hank yelling to them from the bottom of the stairs alerted the two women to the fact William had arrived. Buffy checked her appearance one more time in the mirror and deciding she looked okay ventured out of her room.

As she descended the stairs, William's mouth dropped open, almost hitting the floor in cartoon fashion. He knew she was beautiful, he'd always seen it, but dressed up to go out she was more breath-taking than even he could ever have imagined.

"What do you think?" she asked as she reached the bottom of the steps and did a little twirl.

"You look stunning, pet" he smiled, "Absolutely stunning"

Buffy had noticed he'd started calling her 'luv' and 'pet' since she'd left the hospital, though she was fairly certain he hadn't done it before. It was a little confusing for him to have yet another attribute that Spike had, but she liked it anyway. She guessed at the hospital it might've been unprofessional for him to use such terms of endearment for a patient, but now she could be anything he wanted to call her, and Buffy found she loved it.

"So, where are you taking our 'stunning' daughter?" Hank was interested to know, ever the over-protective father.

"Dad" Buffy rolled her eyes at how embarrassing he was being. She was over twenty-one, and as such pretty much legal for anything, still it was sweet that her father still cared. In her delusion he'd just left and never come back...

"Er, to dinner, sir" William told Hank, shifting nervously, "She won't be late home, I assure you"

"Don't worry about it, William" Joyce told him, shooting her husband a hostile look, "You two kids just have fun"

"We will, Mom" Buffy grinned as they disappeared out of the front door, "God, my Dad can be so embarrassing" she exclaimed a moment later, "I'm so sorry"

"I think it's charming that he cares so much about you" the young man at her side commented, and Buffy almost physically winced. Did he have to be quite so nice about everybody, and oh my God did he call her Dad 'sir' in there? She mentally chastised herself for being unfair. Surely it was a good thing that her potential boyfriend was sweet and considerate and liked by her parents. Spike was an evil demon she had made up in her head and the fact he looked a little, okay a lot, like William did not make him any more real.

"Buffy?" William prompted when she didn't respond to his question and she shook her head, glancing up at his overly-worried expression.

"Sorry" she said shyly, "But y'know Will, you don't need to panic every time I zone out" she told him, "I'm not going back to that place" she promised him, slipping her hand into his as they walked along, "I want to stay here, with you"

"And I want you to stay" he smiled at her, bright blue eyes full of adoration as they stopped walking and faced each other, "Buffy, I've never felt like this about anybody before, I can't tell you how wonderful it is that I finally got a chance to tell you, that you finally came back to the world where you belong" he said gently pushing loose strands of hair behind her ear, "I waited a long time for you"

"I'm here now" she told him just as softly, "and in some weird way I... I think I was waiting for you too"  
William smiled at that, even if what she said had not made total sense to him, he liked the sentiment of it at least.

Buffy would have sworn he was going to kiss her then, the look in his eyes was so intense it froze her to the spot and she waited for the touch of his lips on hers, but it never came.

"Come on" he said, squeezing her hand as he resumed walking and she was forced to do the same, "We don't want to be late for our reservations"

"No" Buffy said, quite disappointed, "Wouldn't want to do that"

* * *

"Hello, luv" Spike forced a smile as he sat down on the edge of the bed beside her, "Bet you're getting sick of the sound of my voice by now, going on at you every day, same old rubbish you don't wanna hear" he joked, but he was forcing the humour. It didn't come naturally in such a dire situation.

"Y'know you could do somethin' about it, Slayer" he continued, "Come out of that damn trance of yours and deal with this annoying bloody vamp that won't leave you be" he tempted her, "Come on, Buffy, luv, wake up. Don't care if you just do it so you can smack me in the mouth. Anything'd be better than nothing"

Her lack of words and movement were terribly frustrating and Spike just didn't know what to do anymore.

"Oh luv" he sighed, stretching out beside her on the bed and picking up her hand in his, "You don't know how you're making us suffer, me and the Bit, and your mates" he told her, "I know you don't mean it, probably not havin' much in the way of fun yourself wherever the bloody hell it is your head got dragged by that demon juice... but I need you back, we all do. Unlife's not worth havin' without you here, even if all you were doin' of late was telling me to piss off" he smiled sadly.

"I love you, Buffy" he whispered, pushing stray hair from her face, "If that doesn't get a bleedin' reaction from you I wonder if anything will... but it won't stop me tryin' pet, nothing is ever gonna stop me trying to help you. I can keep talking, a bloody sight longer than you can sit there staring I'd wager" he told her, "So you just hold on, find a way to fight your way back to us, please" Spike was almost begging now, not knowing what else to do as he held the Slayer's hand tightly in his.

"I know life isn't perfect" he admitted, "Bloody hard most of the time, especially for you bein' the Slayer torn from Heaven and all but it's still worth fighting for" he assured her.

It was so painful to get no reaction at all, not even a shift of her eyes, like he hadn't even spoken, like she wasn't even alive. In a last ditch attempt, Spike leaned over the comatose girl and put his lips to hers just briefly. She didn't even flinch.

With a heavy sigh, Spike moved from the bed to the chair and picked up one of Willow's abandoned books. He'd read for a few hours, venture downstairs for some blood later, making sure he wasn't gone long, then he'd come back and talk to the Slayer some more til sun down when he could make it home for sleep that didn't come easily. Such was his unlife set to be, until Buffy returned.

_To Be Continued..._


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"It's pointless" Dawn cried, "It's been a month, she's never coming back" she said sadly as tears streamed down her cheeks.

"No, Dawnie" Willow shook her head pulling the girl into a hug, staring down at Buffy still comatose on the bed, "We'll find a way to help her, we will. I promise"

"You can't promise, you don't know..." Dawn sobbed, pulling away from the witch and bolting to her own room. Willow sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Oh Buffy" she said sadly, "I wish I knew if you could hear me. If you can please try and hold on, try and fight. We love you and we need you here, all of us..."

Buffy woke up with a start and looked around her room. She was the only person there, as it should be, but the dream had been so vivid. Willow talking to her, Dawnie crying, it was great to see them again but it also scared her half to death. They were delusions, hallucinations, and up until now she'd managed to keep them at bay for a whole month since leaving the hospital

Now they were creeping back via her dreams and that frightened Buffy more than she'd like. Dreams could not be controlled and as such would be the perfect gateway for the non-reality to be pushed back into the forefront of her mind.

"Concentrate" she whispered to herself, "Just concentrate"

Buffy screwed her eyes tight shut, thought of William and her parents and how great her life was here... only it wasn't. Of course she was glad to be here with her Mom and Dad, but it was becoming increasingly obvious that they were not so happy to be with each other anymore.

Too many nights she'd been woken by yelling, arguments in which her father sounded drunk and her mother tearful. She'd sat at the top of the stairs and listened, just as she had in her delusion years ago with Dawnie at her side. Now she was alone and it seemed her parents marriage was slowly falling apart, she suspected mostly because of her.

Still, this world was better, at least it was real. She had William too who was so loving and attentive. Buffy really liked him, thought maybe she even loved him a little bit but one fact was driving her crazy. The man was such a gentleman to the point where she wanted to scream! Vague thoughts of her sordid affair with Spike made her shiver with both delight and fear of the capabilities of her imagination. He wanted her, with a passion that she could barely comprehend, and yet she had made that up in her own mind apparently.

The first time William had kissed her, two weeks ago, it was... nice. Nice but not fantastic or explosive, there were no fireworks or molten lava in her veins. Had she exaggerated the thrill of a kiss in her delusion, or was William just not capable of evoking such feelings in her? Buffy didn't know, she didn't know much of anything lately and each night she dreamt of Sunnydale, Willow and Dawn and Xander all standing by her bed talking about her. They weren't dead, somehow they escaped the demon after she'd left them to die and they were still there.

As the front door slammed shut and Joyce continued to cry, Buffy knew this was a worse argument than some others had been. She wondered if her Dad would come back, he hadn't in her apparent hallucination. Sometimes when he went out the door she'd watched him from the window, getting into his car and heading off to work each morning, thinking about the time he left in that other world and never bothered to return to her, and her Mom, and Dawn.

Of course it was a terrible reflection on Hank, that Buffy would ever think he'd leave for good. She wasn't a kid anymore, but she was just getting used to having both her parents around again, the last thing she wanted was to lose one of them so soon.

Glancing at the clock she realised it was just past midnight. Less than six hours and she'd have to be up and dressed all ready for her early shift at the local fast food outlet. As it turned out being a crazy person who never even finished High School meant Buffy was pretty much not qualified to do any kind of job. After a long discussion with her parents it had been decided she would take some classes at the local college whilst working in between to pay her keep. As much as they wished they could support her more, Joyce and Hank had spent an awful lot on the best doctors and care for their baby girl, meaning cash was especially tight right now.

Buffy flopped back against her pillows and stared up at the ceiling. Her parents fought a lot, the best job she could get was flipping burgers, and she had a boyfriend who may possibly be allergic to touching her or just a total idiot who couldn't read signals! Times like this the blonde wondered if her supposed fake life had been so bad in Sunnydale. At least she had friends there, here there were only the same three people that she could really share things with, and as much as she appreciated all their love and support sometimes she just wanted to escape all the coddling!

Telling herself she was being a fool, Buffy turned on her side and settled down beneath the covers, but sleep refused to come. Every time she closed her eyes and relaxed her mind drifted back to the Hellmouth, but not so much the demons and the slaying. Mostly she saw her friends, her sister, all looking so worried about her and constantly with books in their hands. They were researching, trying to find a way to pull her back... She told herself to stop it. They weren't doing anything, she was making them do it. Subconsciously she was trying to go back there and Buffy knew she had to be strong and not let it happen. This was the real world, Sunnydale was a delusion, simple as that, but Buffy was beginning to realise that 'simple' was really not a word to be used for her situation at all

* * *

"Hey, Mom" Buffy yawned as stretched as she trudged into the kitchen at six am, "You're up early" she said, with a slight frown as she got herself some cereal.

"I was er... I thought you'd like some company, someone to eat breakfast with" Joyce told her with what seemed to be a forced smile, since her eyes were still red-rimmed from too much crying.

"Mom, I'm a big girl now" Buffy reminded her as they sat down together, "If something's happened, you can tell me. Is it Dad?" she checked.

"We just had a stupid fight is all" her mother shook her head, putting hand on hers, "Sweetie, I promise you have nothing to worry about. Your father will come home later and we'll work things out"

Buffy wasn't sure whether to believe or not that everything was okay. Her mother wasn't the lying kind but to protect her feelings she might well do.

"Do you fight because of me?" she asked sadly stirring her cereal around in the bowl.

"Why would you ask something like that?" Joyce replied, looking a little worried and maybe a little angry too.

"I..." Buffy paused when she realised what she was about to say, 'It was before'. Truth was her parents had never, to her knowledge, fought over her here, only in her hallucinated world, "I know it must have been hard for you" she said instead, "With me being... sick, and everything"

"Oh baby" Joyce sighed, getting up and moving around the counter to hug her little girl, "Buffy, I won't deny it was a tough time, but we don't blame you, not at all. You got sick, now you're better, and we couldn't be happier"

Buffy smiled, hugging her back, enjoying the simple comfort of a mother's embrace that she'd missed so much.

"I love you, Mom" she told her softly.

"And I love you, Buffy" Joyce assured her as they pulled apart, "Now, you better get that cereal finished up fast. You have to be at work in fifteen minutes"

"Yes, Mom" the blonde smiled as she did as she was told

* * *

Buffy didn't mind being in class, it kept her mind occupied and therefore it was unable to wander to those forbidden places that the doctor warned her to avoid. It was a similar situation when she worked the counter at her job, too busy most of the time to think of anything but the task at hand. What Buffy hated was jobs like this one, working the grill. After a couple of times, she learnt the routine. It became boring and mundane and was so simple - beef on the grill, hit the button, it beeps, flip the beef, hit the other button, it beeps, put it on the bun, repeat until insane! - it just gave her too much time to think about stuff. Her parents and William only took up so much space, and she really had very little else in her life. Instead her head took her back to Sunnydale, memories of the happier times with friends and family she would never see again.

"Buffy!" her name yelled behind her and a hand on her shoulder made her start, and the spatula from her hand clattered to the floor.

"Oh, hey Chris" she smiled at her colleague before reaching for the fallen utensil.

"Sorry Buff, didn't mean to scare you" he apologised, "but time I took over, you take your break"

"Thanks" Buffy nodded as Chris took over at the grill and she walked through to the empty staff only room. Taking off her hat she stretched out on the little couch against one wall. She just closed her eyes for a minute, didn't mean to fall asleep, hadn't realised how deep she'd gone until she opened her eyes and her bedroom came into focus around her. Not her bedroom in LA of course, in the house she shared with Mom and Dad, but her room back in Sunnydale. She shifted to move and found she couldn't, something was holding her in place, a strong arm across her waist.

"Spike?" she whispered, turning her head to see him lying there beside her, knowing now this really was her delusion and yet not feeling as scared as she might. Being here meant she was crazy, but she hadn't felt this calm, this safe in a while, just lying here with Spike's arm around her. He looked so peaceful, almost angelic as he slept on, unaware she was watching him.

"I miss you" Buffy said softly, her fingers running through his hair, "I miss everybody but, it's so much harder to block you out, maybe cos of William, I don't know... I just..." Spike shifted in his sleep and Buffy withdrew her hand fast.

"Buffy?" he mumbled, unsure if he'd been dreaming or not.

"I'm sorry, Spike, I can't stay" she said, almost crying as she forced it all away.

Buffy's eyes flew open as she sat up on the couch in the staff room. Her boss stood in the doorway, saying she'd called her name three times already and was she quite alright.

"I'm fine" Buffy forced a smile, "Must've just dozed off I guess. I didn't sleep too good last night, it's no big"

With that she followed back through the door and got back to work, her break long over, but a sad smile playing on her lips as she remembered what she'd 'dreamt'.

"You're sure she spoke to you?" Willow asked with a hopeful look.

"I dunno, Red" Spike shook his head, "I... I dream about her, all the bleedin' time, can't get her out my head but I swear, this was so real"

"What did she say?" the witch asked him, staring at her apparently still comatose friend.

"That she was sorry" he told her, "and that she couldn't stay"

"_Couldn't_ stay" Willow echoed, "She's there against her will, we knew that"

"But why would she apologise for that" Spike frowned "If it's not her fault, if something is keeping her from us why the sorry?"

"I don't know" the red-head sighed, "I only wish I did"

_To Be Continued..._


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N : Well, it seems you all like William, but can';t help preferring Spike. That's strange cos Buffy is starting to develop that same opinion...  
**_**(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)**_

Chapter 10

"Buffy, is something wrong?" William asked her as they sat opposite each other at the restaurant. He'd watched her push her food around the plate several times and yet barely any had entered her mouth so far. Still, she smiled when she looked up at him and shook her head.

"No, nothing wrong" Buffy lied, hating that she had to but determined to make it all be true. She wanted to want to be here, if she didn't she'd end up back in the hospital, living a lie in a world she'd made up in her head.

"It's just you don't seem yourself, luv" William sighed, "You... you keep going all distant on me"

"I'm sorry" Buffy frowned, hating to think she was worrying him, "It's not your fault, and I'm not... going back" she assured him, putting down her fork and reaching across the table to put her hand in his, "My parents aren't getting along so well" she admitted, eyes down on the table-cloth.

"Oh Buffy, I am sorry, pet" William told her with a sympathetic look, "They always seemed so very much together whenever I saw them at the hospital and even now when I'm ever at your house.

"They seem all big with the together sometimes" Buffy agreed, "Any time they think somebody is watching them, but when they're alone..." she swallowed hard before she continued, "I hear them fighting, yelling and saying awful things to each other, and I think... I think it's my fault" she said tearfully as she looked over at William.

He so wanted to tell her it wasn't her fault at all, but there was no way to know her parents opinion of her or each other or anything. All he knew for certain was how much he loved Buffy himself.

"You want to get out of here?" he offered and she nodded that she did. William paid the bill and got them out of the restaurant quickly, Buffy was clearly embarrassed and trying not to bawl like a baby in front of so many strangers, though outside she still refused to let her tears flow freely. They walked slowly towards her house in silence, Buffy swallowing hard to try to keep her crying at bay. William saw the pain she was in and put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer.

"Tell me what's wrong, luv" he urged her, "I can't stand to see you hurting like this"

"I can't..." she choked out, "If I talk about it I... I just can't"

William stopped walking and turned her to face him with real concern in his eyes for her.

"Buffy, sweetheart, you can tell me anything" he assured her, "Believe me there's nothing you could say that'd shock me, at least it's certainly unlikely given my occupation"

"That's kind of the problem" Buffy sniffed, wiping tears from her cheeks and turning away to continue walking, William went with her and they were soon at her house where they sat down on the swing on the front porch.

"You know what I am, Will" she said quietly, "You work in that place, you know what's wrong with me, how crazy I was"

"Not crazy, Buffy, no" he told her firmly, "Just confused"

"Maybe" the blonde sighed, "but it doesn't change the fact there was something wrong with me and... William, what if there still is?" she asked, looking really afraid, and his heart went out to her.

"You're here now, pet" he reminded her, taking her hand in his and squeezing it, "You're here with me, and your parents, in the real world"

"Not always" she admitted, shaking her head slowly and causing fresh tears to roll down her cheeks.

William stared at her, not really sure what to say and she couldn't meet his eyes as she explained.

"It started about a week ago, I dreamt about Sunnydale" Buffy told him, "It was just for a minute, but I saw my friends..."

"They are not your friends, Buffy" William snapped a little more harshly than he meant to, but he did so hate to hear her talk about her delusions like this, he still feared losing her to the other side, and just when they were getting along so well.

"William, if I talk about them as my friends you think I'm crazy" she said sounding somewhat annoyed, "but if I don't talk about them I feel like I'm gonna go crazy anyway!" she complained, looking over at him and begging him with her eyes to understand what she was going through. Of course he never truly could, but he had to try for her, she was everything to him.

"If you think it will help you, luv, of course I'll listen but... I'm only concerned that I might lose you" he admitted and she shook her head.

"You won't lose me" she assured him, moving closer and putting her head on his shoulder, glad when he wrapped his arms around her and held her tight, "I just need to talk about it, Will, all of it" Buffy explained as they rocked back and forth on the swing, "You're the only person who I can really talk to about anything"

"Then tell me" he said softly, kissing the top of her head, truly concerned by what he was allowing her to do and what things she might tell him, but hoping she was right and that letting out all her worries about that other place might aid her recovery.

"When I was there" Buffy began, "I was like this hero, and it was hard, always being the one who had to fight, but I feel like it's still a fight here. Just to live everyday, working almost the same job that I had back there, with my parents fighting like they did. It's like all the bad stuff from my delusions is coming true here, but this is supposed to be real"

"It is real, pet" William promised her, holding her tighter, so afraid she might slip away from his again.

"I know" Buffy nodded against his shoulder, "At least I think I know, but everything there is so real lately, when I dream about it" she paused for a moment to see if William would say anything, when he didn't she continued, "I see Willow and Dawn and Xander, and sometimes Spike" she said too quietly, concerned when William stopped the swing from moving suddenly. Buffy glanced up at him and he wasn't angry or worried, just upset by what she'd said.

"I'm not trying to hurt you, Will" she assured him, looking worried that she might've done just that, "I just, I needed to tell someone"

"I know" he more or less whispered, "I know I'm probably an idiot for thinking it but... Buffy, I love you, you know that, and I feel like it doesn't even matter" he said shaking his head sadly, "Do you feel anything for me, Buffy?" he asked and she felt sick to her stomach, knowing he was so uncertain and hurting so much because he thought she didn't really care at all.

"I do feel something" she told him, "and I think it's love, but I'm so confused, William" she cried, feeling so weak and overwhelmed by all that was happening and all that had happened since she'd got here. It was supposed to be home, reality, the place where she belonged but after so long away from it, it was strange and almost scary to be here again. Only William really made it easier.

"Please don't cry, luv" he urged her, his fingers gently wiping her tears away, "The very last thing I want is for you to be upset"

"Then make it stop" she begged, "Hold me, William, love me, don't let it take me" she looked truly scared as she went into his arms and he held her tight. She cried for a while, her eyes falling shut as she did so and her mind whirring, pictures of Sunnydale flashing behind her lids. She panicked, eyes shooting open as she shifted back and looked up at William. Before he had a chance to ask why the sudden panic she crushed her lips to his and kissed him with a passion. She was fighting, trying to stay here, trying to find something that would anchor her to this plane of existence, but William was confused and startled by her actions.

"Buffy" he gasped in air as he pulled away from her.

"Don't talk" she shook her head, "Please, just love me" she beseeched him, glad that after just a moments hesitation he went right back to kissing her. To an extent she could lose herself in a moment like this, there was so much to feel that thinking was kept to a minimum, but nothing could completely block out the images that flooded her mind.

As William's hand moved in her hair and he whispered words of love to her between kisses, Buffy saw Spike. In her mind she was lying on her bed in Sunnydale and there was the bleached blond vampire right beside her. He was holding her hand, tears apparent in his eyes, as he told her he loved her, with the same words that William was using. One of them wasn't real, one was a hallucination, and as much as she tried to tell herself that Spike was the fake, a small part of her so wished he was the real deal. She pulled away from William, gasping in air and staggered to her feet feeling terrible. It was bad enough to think of another person when kissing the one you supposedly love, but Buffy had taken it to whole other extreme level. She wanted Spike to be kissing her, because somehow even William couldn't make her feel what he could, despite the fact they were mostly the same person.

"Buffy?" he was frowning when he looked up at her, so concerned he'd done wrong, when of course he'd done nothing but love her as she'd asked him too.

"I'm sorry" she said shakily, stepping towards the door and opening it as fast as she could, "I'm sorry, I can't" she cried as she stumbled into the house, quickly shutting the door behind her and leaning back against it. She closed her eyes to block out William's voice as he apologised and begged to be let in. Buffy's mind raced with panicked thoughts. She wondered why she stayed here when everything seemed so bad. The same awful job as Sunnydale, her parents fighting, no friends or Dawn, a boyfriend that she could never love enough, and the constant fight to stay when she wasn't even sure why she was trying. Her half hearted attempts to keep her so-called delusions at bay collapsed in an instant and she completely zoned out as she fell to her knees in the hallway.

"...we help her with the homework best we can, me and Red mostly, she covers anything science and maths related, I'm not too bad on the history and English side of things, so we muddle through" Spike was saying, presumably talking about Dawn, Buffy realised as she tuned into his words. It was strange but even though he and William shared looks and voice, there was something that was different, something she couldn't name that she could pick up even with her eyes closed and just him laying beside her, talking softly in her ear.

Something stopped her from opening her eyes yet or speaking at all, she guessed she'd just missed being this close to Spike, which in one way was insane. He was a hallucination, the psycho equivalent of a small childs imaginary friend, she assumed, but he was everything William was and more, and the phrase 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' seemed entirely relevant. She missed him, more so when she was with William lately. Before his face had brought her comfort, a sweet reminder of what she'd lost, but the more she saw him the more she wanted what she'd left behind, and as much as she craved all or at least most of the parts of her delusion, Spike was one thing that Buffy was beginning to realise she missed the most, him, her sister, and her friends.

"Sun'll be going down in an hour or two" Spike was saying when she next paid attention, "Promised your Scooby Club I'd get through this book by then but I'll just have to tell them you kept me talking now won't I?" he smirked to himself, wishing it was more real, that the jokes he made were actually funny. Nothing had humour, colour, meaning, anything with her like this. His precious Slayer trapped in a world that there seemed no way to free her from, not without another demon being caught and even then there was no way to know if the andidote would still be strong enough, given that Buffy had been under the influence of the poison for several weeks now.

"Reckon I should get on with this reading then..." Spike said softly and he shifted to get off the bed. He stopped abruptly when he tried to pull his hand from Buffy's and found he couldn't.

"Buffy, luv?" he said, pulling on his hand again, a second time her fingers gripped his too tightly for it to be his imagination, "Sweetheart if you can hear me, squeeze my hand again, tight as you like, pet, I don't care"

He was stunned but happily so when her grip tightened further and felt like it might snap his fingers! The pain was nothing though, all that mattered to Spike was the fact she could hear him and was responding to him. Her eyes shifted and looked at him, tears welling up in her hazel orbs that he hated to see.

"Oh baby, don't, please" he urged her as his fingers tenderly brushed over her cheek, "Tell me how to help you, somehow please" he said desperately, "I'm going crazy sittin' here watching you slip away"

Buffy turned her head away, unable to look at him. She couldn't stay here, it was wrong, and yet she felt so much more comfortable in these moments of apparent hallucination than she ever did in what they called reality.

"Buffy, luv, please listen to me" she heard Spike say, "Wherever you are when you're not here, it's not real, pet" he explained, "Red reckons you might still be thinkin' you're in that institution place, but you're not, sweetheart. This is home, this is where you belong. Come on Slayer! Fight, please" he urged her as her grip lessened on his hand.

In a moment she was gone, her eyes looked dead and her body was limp once again. Spike felt like crying from joy that he'd got through to her just for a little while, and pain because again he had lost her to the other side.

_To Be Continued..._


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N : Okay, so we're back to work on the WIPs now. Hope everyone had a great Christmas, or a great time in general if you don't celebrate Christmas. Also hope you like this new chapter!  
**_**(For disclaimer, etc, - see chapter 1)**_

Chapter 11

"And you're sure you didn't dream this, like when you said she talked to you?" Xander checked warily. Spike was so angry at the Whelp for doubting the truth of what he was saying, he was surprised the chip didn't fire from the intent of pain he'd like to cause.

"I'm tellin' you, boy, she woke up" Spike said firmly, looking at Willow next, "Buffy was awake, she had hold of my hand and she looked at me, luv, she looked so lost" his voice cracked with emotion he was determined not to show in front of this lot and Dawnie could feel his pain.

"She's coming back to us?" she said hopefully, "I mean, that's twice now she's been here with Spike, that has to mean she's getting better, right?"

"I'd like to think so, Dawnie" Willow said, "but I don't think it works that way. It's not like a virus or the flu or something that Buffy has" she explained, "What that demon did to her, it poisoned her, confused her. That doesn't just go away given time"

"Something's happenin'" Spike shook his head, "Maybe the Bit's right, maybe her body's just fighting against this demon juice and she's recovering" he said, sounding as hopeful as the teen beside him.

"I don't know what to think" Willow sighed, "I really wish I could believe she was getting better but I don't know enough about this to know if it could be true"

"Kinda wishin' Giles was here right now" Xander admitted, "I can't believe he chose now to get all in touch with his spiritual side"

The gang had found out a couple of weeks ago, after calling just about everyone in England it seemed, that Giles had visited a coven of witches and seers he used to know and had decided to partake of a little 'reflective trancyness' as Willow had said when she got off the phone and explained to the gang. The seers told her he'd been a little lost when he'd come to England and had since travelled to a sacred place the name of which they were not allowed to reveal, to find himself as it were. Apparently there was no way to contact him until he returned and there was no ETA for his coming back.

The Scoobies were coping alone as best they could, still taking turns to sit with Buffy, whilst fitting in jobs and school, demon research, and patrol duties. Using a Wiccan connection, Willow had managed to get a potion mixed that would keep Buffy alive whilst in her trance-like state, replacing the need for food, water, and general digestion. One spoonful in the morning, another at night, and her body would be mystically kept ticking over as if she were awake and active as normal.

For as many routines and plans as the little group had, none of them could be comfortable whilst their lives remained like this. They needed Buffy back, they all missed her terribly and prayed that somehow, someday soon, they'd find a solution and a way to bring her back from a place where she was almost definitely suffering.

* * *

Two days and nights passed, and the task of blocking out Sunnydale became increasingly difficult for Buffy. In her dresser drawer was a bottle of pills the doctor had given her that were supposed to make her calm and relaxed if ever she felt agitated. The theory was if she was calm, she would be happy, and not let her delusions take over again, but in all honesty Buffy was getting more and more glad to let the apparent hallucinations take hold.

It was so great to see Dawnie again, and Willow and Xander. They didn't look too happy, but then why would they when she was just lying there like a vegetable, making them suffer her loss all over again. She wondered vaguely if Willow was afraid to help her, after what had happened with the resurrection. Maybe the gang didn't know whether she was in a good or bad place now, and feared making things worse by pulling her out of another heavenly world. Buffy laughed painfully at that thought, since this apparent reality had been her heaven that she'd spoken of. What a fool she'd been, thinking this was so perfect, a world where she hated her job, struggled with college, had no real friends, and was forced to listen to her parents regular fights, mostly at night when they thought she was sleeping and didn't hear.

The more Buffy thought about the deterioration of her world the more she began to wonder if this was real at all. Though perhaps her life in Sunnydale was illogical there were many times that she had happy memories of. So far in this world, happy times were limited and those moments she could find to smile about had all been within the first week or two of being back here. But was this back, was it reality, she wondered, or had she just fallen into a delusion that was cleverly disguised as reality.

As easy as it was to believe she had manufactured Spike when she'd 'met' William, it could just as simply be assumed that she'd made up Will to fill the gap made by Spike. She missed her parents so much of course she would put them into her delusion and her friends had been driving her crazy so she would block them out. Take out the slaying because it had been getting her down and there was Buffy's perfect world. It suddenly seemed to make much more sense that what she'd assumed to be reality was in fact the real hallucination, and that Sunnydale and her friends and family whom she'd been trying to block out were after all in the real world.

The whole thing made Buffy's head spin and she closed her eyes as she gripped onto the dresser. A moment later she stumbled back, landing on her bed with a thud, and when her eyes opened again, she was not alone.

"...I believe it, I do" Dawnie was saying firmly, "Willow says she can't get her hopes up and Xander, well y'know he never liked Spike so he won't believe either, but I do. I know you're trying to come back to us, Buffy" she said with sincerest hope as she pushed her sisters hair back from her face, "You're my sister, and I love you, and I know you love me too. You died for me, and for the world, and I'm gonna make sure we do this for you, bring you back to where you belong" she said, close to tears by now.

Buffy lay there is silence, so moved by her sister words that tears rolled down her own cheeks too. It seemed her sister noticed and she gasped with surprise.

"Buffy?" Dawn said cautiously, "Buffy, if you can hear me please talk to me. Please, Buffy, I miss you so much"

"I-I'm sorry, Dawnie" she said hoarsely, her fingers reaching out to run through the younger girls hair and push it back over her shoulder like she'd done a hundred times before, "I'm so sorry"

"Don't be sorry" Dawn cried, "Just be Buffy, stay with us" she said as she hugged her tight. Buffy hugged her back just briefly as she whispered into her hair.

"I can't stay yet, I'm sorry" she said again as she concentrated and found herself alone again, her arms empty, and the sound of slamming doors and yelling downstairs.

Mom and Dad were home and apparently not happy with each other again. Whether this was the real world or not she couldn't be sure, and doubted she could ever know for certain. Still she had to choose one place to stay in. If she wasn't crazy already she soon would be if she continued to let herself drift between two lives as she was doing now. The choice was not as simple as it might be, though slaying was tough her friends and her sister and Spike were in Sunnydale. Here she had William who loved her dearly, and her parents, though with all the fighting they were doing, Buffy wondered how much longer her family would stay together. They were arguing again, she could hear them clear as anything and she hated it, she had to get out.

Buffy got up from her bed and sat down at her vanity table, gasping when she saw the terrible state of her face, with her make-up all run down from her eyes. She set to work on cleaning herself up and re-applying colour to her eyes and lips before picking out a fresh outfit from her closet and changing her clothes. Grabbing up her purse she got as far as the door when she realised there was no way out of the house without passing her arguing parents and she just couldn't face that.

Glancing over at the window she had a wild thought. Quickly and quietly she moved back across the room and checked the view from the window. There was no second roof she could drop onto like Sunnydale but there was a trellis with plants all down the side of the house that she could use to reach the ground.

"Here's hoping it's just as easy without the Slayer skills" she said as she pushed open the window, the thought not occurring to her that she was now taking her life as the Chosen One to be the real world.

It was not quite as simple as she'd hoped but Buffy soon felt solid ground beneath her feet and found that her outfit and hairstyle had adequately survived her little climbing expedition. That and the fact no-one had seen her escape pleased her greatly as she set off down the dark street to William's apartment.

Buffy was greatly reminded of patrolling after dark in Sunnydale as she crossed past the cemetery on her way. It was insane, but something made her want to take the turn, go through the gates and check for vampires. She shook her head and told herself no, even if this was a delusional world as she suspected it might be, if she mentioned demons and vamps here she would end up back in that hospital... but that might not be such a bad thing, she realised. If she was certified crazy here that'd mean Sunnydale would come back to her permanently, she guessed. Oh what she wouldn't give to have Willow or Giles here to explain the scientific and magical elements of what was happening to her. Oh what she wouldn't give to have Spike's strong arms around her and hear his whispered words of love and comfort.

These very thoughts were still in her mind as she rode the elevator up to the fifth floor of the apartment block where William lived and arrived outside his front door, knocking once and waiting for him to answer. The door opened just a crack and he peered out at her.

"Hey" she smiled, but he frowned as he opened the door fully.

"Buffy, what in heavens name are you doing here?" he snapped, sounding overly British and very Giles-like.

"I came to see you" she shrugged like it was the most natural thing in the world as she took a step forward and smiled, putting her arms around his neck, "What's the matter? Not pleased to see me?" she asked, pouting like a child.

"Always pleased to see you, pet, you know that" he assured her, tucking some stray hairs behind her ear before leaning in to kiss her softly.

The kiss was too short and much less passionate than Buffy really craved, but after the incident on the porch at her house the other night, she didn't say anything.

Of course when she'd called William up and apologised for her crazy behaviour the next day, he'd instantly forgiven her and all was again right with the world, if this was the world, Buffy thought to herself as she went into the apartment with her boyfriend.

"Did you walk here by yourself, Buffy?" he checked as they walked through to the living room and sat down on the couch together.

"Well, I didn't think we would need a chaperone so yeah, I came alone" she smirked, "Why?"

"I think you may have forgotten that Los Angeles is not the safest of cities, luv" he told her, "Most especially at night, and with you being the beautiful young woman that you are, I do worry you know..."

"Hold on a sec" Buffy smiled, ignoring his mini-lecture about the things that supposedly went bump in the night here, "Go back to the part where I was beautiful" she said almost shyly and he rolled his eyes.

"Really, Buffy, that was not the point of what I was saying" he complained good-naturedly, "But you are the most beautiful woman I have ever met, inside and out" he assured her, his hand going to her cheek, "and I'm so completely in love with you I don't know where to begin" he said in barely a whisper as his lips drifted closer to hers.

"I do" she told him as she moved to kiss him, tenderly at first and then with a hunger he hadn't really been expecting. Still, he didn't pull away, if she wanted him that was fine, since he certainly wanted her. After so long of being a gentleman with her, he desperately wanted to move things on and since she'd started this that was exactly what he did.

Buffy was soon lying down on the couch with William hovering over her, and he was suddenly very uncertain of himself. Though this was not the first time he'd been with a woman this way, he certainly didn't have as much experience as some other men.

"Buffy, are you sure?" he checked and she paused for a moment as she realised she ought to be more nervous than this, after all this was her first time, if this was indeed the real world. Angel, Parker, Riley, and Spike were all apparent figments of her imagination, or maybe just William was. It didn't matter right now, what mattered was that this man who was here with her now loved her as much as anyone ever could love someone else and Buffy really needed that right now. In all the uncertainty that surrounded her, William's love was something solid she could depend upon, much like Spike's had always been. She resolved not to think of the bleached blond as she looked up into blue eyes that might've been his anyway.

"I'm sure" she nodded, "I love you, William" she promised him, "and I need you, I need you close to me"

She had no more words but he didn't need them, as he stood from the couch and helped her up too. If they were going to do this it was going to be done properly. He'd waited a very long time for Buffy Summers, his own Sleeping Beauty as it were, to waken and be his own. Now here she was, and he was going to treat her like the princess she was to him.

Buffy herself was somewhere between thrilled and amazed as she was led into William's bedroom and the door was firmly shut behind them.

"I love you, Buffy" he told her again as he took her in his arms and kissed her deeply, his hands moving down her back and pulling her top free from her pants as she worked the buttons on his shirt.

As they continued to kiss and caress each other, their clothes slipped away and soon they were lying naked on his bed. As they moved together, Buffy's eyes fell shut and she was horrified to see Spike behind her lids. This shouldn't be about him, not now, but wasn't William just another version of him anyway or vice versa?

All rational thought fled her mind, as she concentrated on what was happening, staring up into his bright blue eyes as they hit the dizzy heights of passion together.

"Oh Spike" Buffy gasped in ecstasy... and William's heart broke in two.

_To Be Continued..._


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N : Seems I've got almost all of you feeling bad for William, and yet you still want Buffy to be with Spike instead! Oh well, not long now til she makes a final desicion, Yep, that's right kids, we're headed for the big finish, probably just a couple more chapters after this one then it's all over. In the meantime, hope you like this latest update...  
**_**(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)**_

Chapter 12

"I'm sorry" Buffy repeated for what she thought was possibly the eighth time in the last two minutes but she had no idea what else she could say that would help. She was mortified to realise what she'd just done, calling Spike's name as William made love to her. She hated herself for hurting him as she knew she had, but it wasn't as if she'd done it on purpose.

They looked so alike and the feelings he evoked in her were strangely familiar, despite the drastic differences in the passion they'd shared and that which she'd had with his vampiric counterpart. Buffy knew Spike didn't always want the harshness and the violence when they were together, she encouraged that, and for all she said about him being evil and an animal, she despised herself for how she'd treated him, especially now as she saw what seemed to be the other side of him, the tender gentle side he'd tried to show her so many times, but she would never let him be a man, only a monster.

Buffy cursed herself internally when she realised she was doing it again, letting her mind fill up with thoughts of Spike when her attention should be on poor William. He sat on the edge of the bed, facing away from her, as Buffy herself remained beneath the covers of his bed, not certain whether to say anything else or reach out to him or what, for fear of making the situation worse instead of better.

"William, please don't hate me" she said eventually, "I am so sorry, really I didn't mean to..."

"I know" he answered, though she barely heard him. The pain in his voice was evident though, in just two softly spoken words.

There was a long pause before he spoke again.

"Will I ever be enough for you?" he asked, turning to look at her at last, "I cannot fight against this delusion you have, Buffy, this fantastic man you have made up in your imagination, I can never be that..."

"But you are" she told him, "You're him, and more than that"

"No, Buffy" he shook his head, "I am not him, because he is not real!" he was almost yelling, though he hadn't meant to get angry, it seemed that was how the pain he was feeling was manifesting itself.

"He's real to me" she protested almost as loudly, "They all are, and it's not easy for me!" she reminded him, "I know I do things, say things, and it hurts you, but don't you get that I'm hurting too!" she asked him, not noticing the tears that flooded down her cheeks, "God William, I am so confused. I have all these people talking at me, telling me to stay where they are, and I'm not strong enough to... I can't deal" she cried, her body convulsing with great heaving sobs, making William feel terrible for her, despite how she had hurt him.

Of course she hadn't meant to cause him pain, he knew that, but it didn't make that pain go away. He hoped that perhaps he could relieve some of her suffering though as he moved onto the bed beside her and pulled her into his arms.

"You are strong enough, my darling" he told her as he held her tight to him and kissed the top of her head, "You've come so far, and I'll help you with the rest, I will, I swear it"

"What if you can't?" she asked as she pulled away and looked up at him with red-rimmed eyes, "What if I can't ever block the other world out?"

"I don't have all the answers, sweetheart" William sighed as he pushed her hair back from her face and tucked it behind her ear, "All I can do is promise you I'll always be here, and that I'll always love you, and I just hope that'll be enough"

Buffy nodded her head, since she had no words to say. She wasn't so convinced that William's love for her would ground her here in this so-called reality, though it might've been nice to know it could. Flashing back and forth between worlds only confused things further, but right here, right now, being held in the arms of this wonderful man that loved her so much, Buffy found a little peace.

"I have no right to ask" she said shakily, swallowing hard, "but can I stay here? William, would you please just hold me tonight?" she asked him.

"Of course, luv" he said softly as they lay down together and he held her close in his arms.

As Buffy's eyes fell shut she wondered about the world, both the one she was in now and the one where Sunnydale seemed real. The longer she was here the more she thought that if her Slayer life was all a hallucinated fantasy, shouldn't she be able to block it out more easily than this? Looking at it from that point of view, assuming Sunnydale was real and that a demon had caused the place they called reality where she was psycho girl from the mental institution, it would make sense for it to be difficult to leave because she never took the antidote that Willow made for her.

Buffy's thoughts wound down to very little of anything as sleep overtook her and she fell into the land of dreams, where that other world she'd been thinking of, waited to greet her.

* * *

"Yes!" Willow yelled delightedly as she put down the phone. It wasn't perfect news but it was the best they'd had in a long time. With a grin on her face the red-head hurried up the stairs and burst into Buffy's bedroom, stopping suddenly when she saw Spike on the bed, holding the Slayer in his arms.

"Now, Red" the vampire said fast before she had a chance to speak, "I know what you're probably thinkin', that I'm taking advantage of our comatose Slayer here, but not a bit of it, I promise you" he defended himself, though he had no real need to, which Willow soon told him.

"We trust you, Spike" she assured him, "Least me and Dawnie do" he told him, knowing Xander wasn't so keen, "If we thought you'd try anything weird or icky with Buffy we wouldn't let you watch her like you do"

"Still, wanted to explain" he said awkwardly, "She wasn't quite awake but, it was her that got a hold of me first" he said, an almost dreamy look on his face, Willow noticed, as he explained, "I was just sittin' here talking to her, like I do, she made a grab at me. Cuddled right up she did, so I put my arms round her and she was still again, just as if she's sleepin...'cept I know come morning she won't wake up like she should" he added bitterly and Willow felt awful not just for herself and for her friend but for Spike too, who was fast becoming another friend in some ways.

"I have some good news" she said, hoping to cheer him up a bit, "It's not great news but still good. Xander found a book at the apartment of all Anya's contacts for the Magic Box" the witch explained, "Some of them are really weird, stock all kind of things both good and bad, and real rare stuff too"

"Get to the point, Red" Spike urged her as he watched her eyes almost glaze over at the prospect of Magic shops filled with hundreds and thousands of pretty trinkets for powerful spells that she shouldn't be considering at all.

"Well, see, one of the stores specialises in demon parts, for spells and antidotes and stuff" she grinned once again, "Spike they have the parts I need from the thing that got Buffy, the glarghk guhl kashmanik"

"Bloody hell" Spike gasped, staring at Willow in shock and then glancing down at the woman in his arms, "Hear that, luv" he whispered into her hair, "Gonna get you an antidote sorted, bring you back to us" he told her softly, kissing the top of her head. He was past caring what anyone else thought of his actions, they could stake him on the spot for all he cared, just so long as he knew Buffy was going to be okay.

"Like I said it's not so much great news as just good" Willow said, shifting awkwardly, "I mean, I can make the antidotey goodness but it's no good unless Buffy has one of her awake flashies that she gets"

"How come?" Spike frowned, "I mean, we could make her body swallow it right, or inject it maybe?" he suggested.

"It won't work that way" Willow shook her head, "Believe me, Spike, I checked this out from every angle" the witch sighed, "She has to be lucid when she drinks it, that's just the way it is, it's why these things should be treated as fast as possible before the victim goes too deep into the delusion"

"What happens if they do?" Spike asked, wishing he hadn't the very second after the words left his mouth, but also knowing he had to prepare himself for the worst, since it often seemed to happen around him, "Come on, Rosenburg, no holding back" he told the girl, "Big Bad here can take it"

"Maybe you can, but I can't" she admitted, as tears escaped down her cheeks that she's been trying to hold back too long, "If she doesn't come back enough to take the formula, Spike, she might not..." Willow couldn't finish the sentence as her hand went to her face and she tried to stem the flow of tears from her eyes to no avail.

"She might not come back at all" Dawn said softly from the doorway, finishing what her friend couldn't bear to say, or didn't have the strength too.

"What you doin' up at this hour, Little Bit?" Spike asked the girl as she came into the room in her pyjamas, looking upset.

"I had a nightmare, least I thought that's what it was" she explained, "but it could come true, Buffy might not come back" she cried, and Willow wrapped an arm around the younger girls shoulders.

"No Dawnie" she told her, "We have to think positive, we have to believe Buffy is strong enough to fight against this thing"

"And there's some good news, Bit" Spike added, "If we can get Big Sis awake, just for a minute to take some of that potion like Will made before, seems she'll be right as rain in no time"

"Really?" Dawn asked Willow hopefully, "You can make more of the cure?"

"As of tomorrow when the piece of the demon arrives from the supplier" she nodded, "Although we kind of have a money issue, but we'll deal, I promise"

"Money no object, luv" Spike agreed, "If it'll bring the Slayer back, we'll find a soddin' way. We've got to"

No-one was going to argue with that.

* * *

Buffy opened her eyes and blinked against the gloom that surrounded her. It wasn't just a dream, she knew it wasn't. Being back in Sunnydale was too real to be fake, and though lying here in William's arms was a beautiful feeling, she knew it was better when it seemed like Spike was holding her.

Sunnydale was home, delusion or not, she needed her friends and her sister and Spike. She needed to be the Slayer, because she felt much more like that woman than the one she was here. Everything was difficult, boxes at the fast food place were too heavy for her to carry, her reaction times were lousy and she couldn't throw or catch to save her life. She felt weak and useless, and for the most part unwanted and unneeded. Of course her parents wanted her around but the excitement of having her back seemed to be wearing thin as the amount of arguments between Joyce and Hank increased.

Then there was Spike's look-alike. Sweet William, he loved her so much, proven over and over with words and actions alike. Tonight he'd made her feel so incredibly special, but as much as she hated herself for thinking it, she knew he wasn't enough. He wasn't Spike, though he had the same face and body, and loved her just as much she was certain. There was something missing, something she only felt when she closed her eyes and saw her other world, and Spike there in it. The way he looked at her, spoke to her, told her he loved her, and held her in his arms whilst she slept. Nothing and no-one could compare and the more she tried to be in love with William, the more she realised she could never completely give her heart to him. Whilst she loved him she was not _in_ love, because now she knew for certain it was Spike she'd fallen for, and who she should be with.

Somehow she'd have to tell William, she couldn't just disappear it wasn't fair, even if this was all a hallucination she'd made up in her head, she cared too much to hurt him so badly again. Buffy knew she had to find a way to tell him she was going to leave and then let herself go back to the other side, where she felt she belonged.

But just for tonight, she could be just a girl in the arms of the man that loved her, whichever reality her mind took her to.

_To Be Continued..._


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N : Well, now Buffy has made her decision to be with Spike and leave her so called real world behind, this story is almost over! Yes, just one more chapter after this one and it'll be 'The End'! In the meantime, here's the new chapter...  
**_**(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)**_

Chapter 13

Buffy wasn't really surprised to find her house was empty when she arrived home the next morning. The smashed vase just behind the front door told her that her father probably wasn't here and that her mother had been less than pleased with him on his exit. Walking through to the kitchen, Buffy found a note on the refridgerator saying her Mom had gone to the gallery early to organise a new shipment, but she'd be back after lunch to spend some time with her daughter before her evening shift at the fast food restaurant.

Buffy sighed as she realised she wouldn't be going to her job today, she had much more important things to do. She needed to spend a little time with her parents, either together or apart it didn't matter, then she needed to find William to tell him she was leaving, not just the town or the country but this world. Though her body would remain here in some form, her conscious self was headed back to Sunnydale where she knew now she belonged. A smile spread over Buffy's lips as she thought about it, knowing she was doing the right thing.

It'd be easy enough just to go now, let herself fall from what she figured must be a delusion into her world of Hellmouths and vampires that was suddenly so appealing. It was home, pure and simple, no matter how tough it sometimes seemed. It wouldn't be easy, telling her friends what she'd been doing with Spike, and the feelings she had come to realise she had for him now. Perhaps the worst thing would be trying to explain where she'd been all this time, how she'd been living in another world with a look-alike of the vampire who adored her and her parents, who in the real world were one dead and one far away.

Still, before all that she had goodbyes to think about, she owed her parents a final farewell and poor sweet understanding William a real explanation as well as a goodbye. She didn't relish hurting him, but it was the only way.

* * *

"It's the only way" Willow told Dawnie, as she asked if her sister really had to be awake for the antidote to work, "All the books say the same thing, sweetie, I'm sorry"

"Does this stuff last?" the youngest Summers checked, "I mean, does it go bad like milk, or lose it's powers or something if she doesn't drink it soon?"

"I don't think so" Willow shook her head, as she stirred the inky black liquid around a little more, "but obviously sooner is better"

"Gotta agree with you there, Red" Spike said as he emerged from the basement.

Last night Dawnie had been upset and refused to sleep without him there, by the time she dropped off the sun was rising on Saturday morning and so Spike had crashed in the basement for a few hours, planning on sitting with Buffy in the afternoon whilst the girls went grocery shopping and Xander had to do overtime at the site.

"Well, this is done" Willow said as she poured the antidote from a beaker to a jar with a secure lid, "Now Buffy just needs to be lucid long enough to drink it"

"Twice she's woken up when Spike was talking to her" Dawnie said hopefully, "Maybe it'll be today"

"Let's hope so, Sweet Bit" the vampire nodded as he put an arm around the young girls shoulder and kissed the top of her head.

* * *

Buffy smiled as she hugged her mother for what she knew would be the final time. She'd gone to her Dad's office, spent a half hour talking with him on the pretense of checking he was okay after last night's argument with Joyce, before saying goodbye and meaning it much more than he could ever imagine.

Buffy had gotten home just in time to meet her mother at the front door and they spent hours chatting about anything and everything. The young blonde tried to cram in every thought, every question, every single thing she wanted to say to her mother, knowing that once she left this world she wouldn't get another chance. Joyce really was the only thing she felt she was losing when she let this world go, but she couldn't stay, it was impossible.

"I love you, Mom" she said firmly as she hugged her tight, "I love you more than anything"

"I know, sweetie" Joyce smiled, "and I love you too, you know that"

Buffy nodded her head as she picked up her purse and turned towards the front door. Her mother had no idea she wasn't going to work at all but instead going to meet William as she'd arranged earlier. Buffy was not looking forward to leaving him and hurting him so badly in the process but she walked with more bounce in her step than she would usually, knowing she was going home today.

Images flashed behind her lids everytime she blinked, Willow, Dawn and Xander earlier, but now Spike. He wasn't usually there til the evening but she saw him now and hoped he would be the one at her side when she awoke. The sun wasn't due to set for another hour at least so he must've spent all day in the house, probably because Willow was working on the antidote to save her.

Buffy stopped smiling when she reached the pier and spotted William leaning on the railings, looking out across the water. In the fading daylight, he was beautiful, and the blonde realised that was the one thing she'd miss, not seeing this man in the sunlight. Spike being a vampire could only share the dark with her, but it was enough, she loved him enough for it not to matter anymore.

"Pretty view" she said as she leant on the railing beside William.

"Prettier now" he smiled as he turned and looked at her, greeting her with a quick kiss on the lips.

"Will, we really need to talk" she told him, unable to keep her eyes on his and instead choosing the beach and water beyond.

"Sounds very serious, pet" said William as he stared at her face in profile, "but whatever it is you know you can just say it"

"I know" Buffy smiled in spite of herself as she remembered sitting on the back porch of her house, talking to Spike. He was always willing to listen, even when she was mean to him, even when the day before she'd beaten him to a pulp or slammed him against the walls as they let loose their wild passion for hours. No matter what happened between them she could always talk to him, and he would always listen, never judging, only understanding.

"You think we could walk while we talk?" she asked, standing up straight and offering her hand to him. William smiled as he slid his fingers around her own and they walked along the pier and down onto the beach in silence, a strange thing for two people who had met up with the specific agenda of talking.

"Buffy, luv" William sighed, "If there's something you need to say, I'd rather you just say it" he told her, "Good or bad, I can take it, but please don't draw it out so long, you're making me nervous" he admitted, looking really worried now as he stopped walking and pulled Buffy to a halt along with him.

"I've been thinking a lot" she told the slowly setting sun more than him, "About my life here, and my life in Sunnydale"

"Buffy..." he began to protest, and she knew she was about to get the 'that other place is a delusion speech' so she interrupted.

"Please, let me finish" she begged of him, "William, this isn't easy for me" she assured him as she stepped in close and looked up into his eyes, "You mean so much to me, really you do, but this isn't where I belong" she admitted, tears welling up in her eyes as his arms slid round her and held her tight, "I have to go back to Sunnydale, William, I'm sorry but I have to"

She tried to pull out of his arms then and walk away, unable to bear the pain she saw on his face, but he pulled her back to him with strength she couldn't fight with the oridnary womans body she possessed in this world.

"You're crazy if you go back there" he told her, making Buffy laugh in spite of herself.

"I'm crazy anyway!" she exclaimed, glad the beach was mostly deserted as she raved, "I never would have been in a mental asylum if I was sane!" she pointed out.

"No" William wouldn't hear it, "You were just confused"

Buffy sighed in defeat, no longer struggling in his embrace.

"You're right" she admitted, "I was confused, but William, I still am" she told him honestly, "I can't get a hold on reality because I don't know what that is anymore" she tried to make him understand and it was all either of them could do not to scream with frustration.

"This is reality" he told her forcefully.

"You say that" she smiled sadly "but so does he"

"Who?" William asked with a frown, "This Spike person you think is real?" he guessed, appalled at the very idea, "He's not, Buffy, he's a delusion"

"And he says that's what you are" she tried to make him see her problem, "but I honestly don't know anymore, and for all the similarities there are between him and you" she explained, "there are major differences too. I thought I could leave him behind, stay here and love you instead, but it's not fair, on anyone" she finished much more quietly than she'd begun, staring down at her feet as the last words escape her lips.

He blinked back tears as he lifted her chin with his fingers and looked into her eyes.

"But... I love you" he said, his voice no more than a whisper.

"And I love you" she promised him, tears glistening in her eyes too as she realised more than ever the pain she was causing this wonderful man, "I do, but not in the same way" she tried to explain, "If going back means I'm crazy then that's what I'll be" she shook her head, "I can't fight it anymore, when I was there it was hard to fight and it hasn't gotten any easier now I'm here"

William's arms slipped from her body as he turned away, not wanting her to see him cry, to see him be weak when he should be strong for her, like she needed.

"I love him" she said and each word stabbed through William's heart, sharper and more fatal than any blade, "I'm in love with Spike" she said, loving the feeling of relief that came with saying it but at the same time hating herself for breaking William's heart, "I guess that's why I thought I could love you" she said to his back "but I'm not _in_ love with you, William, and I'm sorry if that hurts you but it's true"

She turned to walk away just as he turned too and he called behind her.

"You can't leave me" he said, sounding desperate and Buffy really wished she could do this without causing pain to anyone, but it wasn't possible.

"I'm sorry" she sobbed, really crying now as she turned back, her tears matching his as they fell like waterfalls by now, "I have to go"

"When?" he choked out, almost afraid to ask, but knowing he must.

"I don't know..." she replied, shaking her head slightly, her voice wavering like a candle in the breeze, "Next time I get a vision I'll just repress this place" she said, looking at the scene around her and then back at the man she'd tried so hard to be in love with, "I'll take the antidote that Willow made, then I'll be back there for good"

"You could go at anytime" William realised, "I won't even get a goodbye"

"It's okay" Buffy told him, feeling every ounce of his pain and possibly more as she stepped back into his waiting arms "You're a wonderful person, William" she told him, "and I know you'll have a good life, with someone who can love you like you deserve" she swallowed hard before continuing "and I know I'll always be here" she whispered, placing her hand on his chest, right over his heart, he closed his eyes at her touch as more tears fell down his face, "I know I'll always be in your heart" she breathed.

"You will, luv" he promised, placing his hand over hers on his chest and squeezing her fingers.

"And you'll always be in mine" Buffy swore, closing the gap between them and kissing him one last time. As she did, she closed her eyes and she saw Sunnydale, her room, her bed, and Spike sitting beside her, a flash for just a second.

"It's coming" she breathed as she pulled away a little, feeling the strangest mixture of pain and relief.

"No" William cried, holding her tighter, as if his embrace and sheer will alone could keep her from leaving him.

"Yes, it's over" Buffy spoke with surprising calmness "I'm sorry, William" were the last words she spoke as her eyes glazed over and she fell limply against him - gone.

_To Be Continued..._


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N : Yes, it is the end of this fic. Buffy has decided that whether Sunnydale is real or not it's where she belongs! So here is the happy Spuffy ending I've been promising. Hope it doesn't disappoint.  
**_**(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)**_

Chapter 14

"Spike?" Buffy's eyes flickered open as one word came in a rough whisper from her lips, "Spike?"

"Buffy?" he gasped, wondering if he'd really heard her say his name.

She turned her head and looked straight at him, and Spike decided he couldn't be dreaming this, it had to be real.

"Oh luv, are you really back this time?" he asked, gripping tightly the hand he already held in both of his.

"I'm here" the Slayer nodded slowly, "at least, I think I am" she half smiled as she looked around the room and then back at the person beside her, the one she was so pleased to see.

The grin on Spike's face almost split it in two, he was so glad she was back. She vaguely heard her name from his lips as he gathered her up in his arms and held her close. He squeezed her so tight she felt as if she couldn't breathe, and yet she wouldn't complain, couldn't bear to, didn't want him to let go... but as she revelled in his embrace her mind wandered to William and that scared her.

"Where's Willow?" she said suddenly, pulling from his grasp.

"Oh, Red" Spike shook his head to clear his thoughts and Buffy noticed the tears that had escaped his eyes whilst he'd been hugging her, but she didn't say a word, "She's still checking for ways to bring you out of your trance-y thing" the vampire explained Willows absence, "but I guess we don't need that now" he smiled, rubbing his eyes roughly with the back of his hand.

"The antidote" Buffy said seriously, "from the demon, I need it"

"Yeah, right" Spike realised she was right as he scrambled to his feet, "I'll go get that" he told her, backing toward the door, afraid to take his eyes off the Slayer for a moment, "Right, I'm going" he repeated as he finally went out of view.

"Red! Willow!" Buffy heard him bellow over the banister rail. That really was her Spike in that hallway, all black clothes, bleached hair and the loudest, coarsest tone she'd ever heard, but that she'd missed so much

"Spike, what is it?" that was Willow's voice replying.

"The antidote from the demon..." the vampire said urgently, "Get it"

Willow sighed audibly as she peered up the stairs at a man she now called a friend.

"Spike, I told you, that's no good unless Buffy's awa..." she stopped mid word as a smile formed on his face and she knew what it meant, "Oh my God, Buffy's awake?" she gasped.

"Yeah" Spike confirmed, before realising there was no time for the happiness he felt right now, "Now the antidote, quick as you can" he pressed and the witch knew just how important it was if they were going to keep their friend in their own reality.

"I'm on it" she said with a nod, all but running to find what she needed.

Spike stood at the top of the stairs, for a second unable to move as realisation truly sunk in. His Buffy had returned again, and yet he was all too aware now that she really wasn't his at all. Although he had her back, she was never his to return to.

"Spike?" he heard her call from her bed and he went to her without a second thought. A reflex action for the Slayer's lap dog.

"I'm here, luv" he promised her, "How're you feeling?" he asked as he sat on the chair beside her bed once again.

"A little out of it" the Slayer admitted, "but... glad to be back here"

"Glad to have you back, pet" Spike smiled, warmly, "Really glad" he added quietly, looking down at his hands instead of her.

"Buffy!" she heard her name urgently called but Spike's lips hadn't moved and he'd have no need for panic when he spoke her name.

"Oh, no..." she shook her head as she realised the voice was William, trying to pull her back.

"What is it?" Spike asked quickly, his voice edged with alarm as he moved to sit on the edge of the bed.

"No" Buffy repeated, her head still but her body now shaking, shivering, she was scared, "It's nothing" she lied, "Just please, keep talking to me, it helps"

"Oh, sure" Spike nodded, before realising he wasn't sure what to say.

He could say anything to her when she was catatonic but when she could actually hear his words, well, as weird as it sounded the Big Bad was scared.

"Right, er..." he stammered, before seeing the fright in her eyes, he knew he had to keep talking, keep her grounded there, "Did you hear anything I said before?" he blurted out for lack of anything else to say, "When you were... wherever?"

Buffy heard William's voice still but it faded into barely a whisper as she took in Spike's words, the look on his face, the feelings that ran deep inside him and showed most through his crystal blue eyes.

"Yes" she said softly, a small smile on her lips now, "Some of it, it's hazy" she admitted, "but yeah, I heard some stuff"

"Probably only the embarrassing stuff, right?" Spike shifted uncomfortably, "Me spilling my guts out, all poncy feelings and acting like a complete nancy boy..."

"Spike" she interrupted, grabbing his hand from where it fidgeted and played with the edge of his coat. She looked deep into his eyes a she spoke to him.

"You are the strongest man I know" she told him sincerely, "The strongest man I'll ever know"

He smiled at that, a dreamy kind of a smile which prompted Buffy to ask;

"What?"

"A man?" he repeated, so quietly she barely heard him, and she knew why. It was all he'd ever wanted to hear from her, apart from those three other words and they would come, given time, but time was not on their side right now as they were swiftly interrupted by one over-excited witch.

"Buffy! You're really back" Willow cried with delight as she bounded into the Slayer's bedroom, breaking up the pairs magic moment. She thrust a mug into Spike's hands as she hugged her friend tight to her and cried with the relief of having her back.

"Hey Will" Buffy smiled, "I missed you"

"We missed you, sweetie" the red-head told her, "It's so great to have you back, and look see I brought antidotey goodness for ya" she smiled, taking the mug back from Spike and handing it to her friend.

Buffy thanked her as she looked at the unappealing black liquid and lifted the mug to her lips taking a swig.

"Eurgh!" she made a disgusted sound as she swallowed, "God, that's worse than the stuff in your flask" she told Spike, and he smirked at that.

"Do you more good though I'd wager" he told her as she drank some more down, making that face she usually reserved for alcohol.

"Let's hope so" she said between mouthfuls, quickly gulping down the rest til the mug was empty.

"Oh Dawnie is at Janices, sleeping over" Willow said suddenly, "I said she should go and try to relax, she's been stressing over you, we all have" she explained.

"Let her have a fun night" Buffy replied, leaning back against the pillows, "I'll see her in the morning. I know she'll be all questions and I need some rest right now" she said, the trials of the day really catching up with her and the speed at which she'd drunk the potion making her feel a little nauseous.

"Oh sure you do, yeah" Willow nodded, scrambling to her feet, "I'll go call Xander, let him know you're okay, and tell him to drop by tomorrow, then I'll tidy downstairs and come wake you in the morning with pancakes, sound good?" she rambled through the whole speech without drawing breath and with an expression that made her look as if she had a hanger stuck in her mouth.

"It sounds great, Willow, thankyou" Buffy smiled warmly at her friend, getting another hug before the red-head turned towards the door.

"You coming Spike?" she asked as she passed by him, "I could make you some hot chocolate" she offered.

"I dunno, Red" he shrugged, glancing at her but finding it difficult to keep his eyes off Buffy, "Reckon I'll just have a word with the Slayer here and then push off seein' as it's dark"

"Oh, okay" she said, wondering why the sudden rush to evacuate but letting it go for now, she was just so pleased to know her friend was getting well again, nothing else mattered.

"Well then, luv" Spike smiled a little sadly as he stood by the bed and looked down at Buffy, "Reckon you'll sleep a lot sounder without me hanging around, right?"

"Wrong" she said just as he turned his back on her to leave, "Spike, everything's been so weird the last few weeks" she said, looking uncharacteristically scared and her voice shaking as he turned back to look at her, "You think you could maybe stay?" she asked him, "I kind of need you close to me" she admitted.

"Buffy, I love you" he sighed, "and I missed you so much but... I can't do that again, it's too complicated and..."

"No, not that!" Buffy cut him off, a disgusted look on her face, "Please, I came out of a catatonic state less than an hour ago and you think I want that!" she said, wondering how on Earth he could think that after everything... but then he didn't know about everything, didn't know how she'd changed since being in that other world, more importantly how her feelings had changed.

"I'm sorry" Spike said, finding the carpet very interesting, "I just thought, well, I guess I didn't think" he shrugged.

"I just need to feel safe tonight, Spike" Buffy told him softly as she reached for his hand and pulled him closer, "I know I'm safe with you here" she told him, as he met her eyes.

"Safe?" he echoed, "With me?"

"In your arms is the safest place I could ever be" she told him sincerely, shocking him to the very core, but in the best way possible.

"Then that's where you'll be tonight, luv" he said in a whisper as she moved over and made room for him to lie beside her on the bed. She moved into his embrace and laid her head on his chest, loving how they fit together perfectly, and how right it felt to be here like this.

"I really did miss you" he told her as he kissed the top of her head, wondering if _he_ was delusional now instead of her - this all seemed so unreal.

"I missed you too" she replied in kind, shifting to look up at him, "Spike..."

"What is it, pet?" he asked a little worriedly and she smiled at the concern she saw in his eyes.

"Don't panic so much, it's nothing really" she said with a sly smile, "I just wanted to tell you... that I love you" she said eventually, watching a hundred different emotions pass over his face before he smiled.

"You do?" he checked, just in case he was going crazy and imagined it.

"I do" Buffy nodded firmly, "What happened only proved it to me, made me see... I could explain it all to you but none of it matters now" she said, her hand going to his face and wiping away the lone tear that escaped from his eye, "All that matters is that I know it's true, that I love you" she repeated, unable to say another word as his lips descended on hers and he kissed her tenderly.

"I love you, Buffy" he whispered words she already knew against her lips but could bear to hear again as many times as he wanted to tell her, "If this is a dream, that you feel the same, I hope I never bloody wake up" he told her and her heart broke for him. She hated herself for making him suffer so much, him and the one she'd left behind, but she was going to make it up to Spike.

"Things are going to be different" she said, pulling away a little so she could say all she needed to, "The way I treated you, it was awful, and I don't have excuses for it, I can't apologise because it won't be enough, but I can love you now, and I want to Spike, I want to love you and be loved by you. I want to be happy here" she smiled though tears ran from her eyes.

"I will do everything in my power to make you happy, Buffy" Spike told her, returning the favour and wiping her tears from her cheeks with his thumbs, "It's all I ever wanted to do, I just needed you to give me a chance"

Buffy smiled as she went back into his arms and let him hold her tight. She fell asleep in his embrace knowing that whatever else happened from here on out, this was where she belonged, in this world with the man she loved.

* * *

Crystal blue water sparkled in the morning sun, beyond the sandy beach where one lone figure stood, not alone because he wanted to be, but because he had no choice. The girl he loved was not dead, but she was gone, which was somehow worse, since he could not mourn and move on.

William was caught in the middle between loss and having, as the beach beneath his feet was trapped between the city and the sea. He waited for the tide to come in and swallow him whole, almost wished it would, but it didn't.

She wasn't coming back this time, he knew it, though the doctors said there might be a chance. Before, she had been trapped, almost held against her will by others. This time she had been perfectly aware of the world and still she had chosen to go back.

Buffy Summers, the one true love of his life, was gone from this world and yet he could not hate her for leaving him, in part he would not even wish to have her back. She chose that other world, that other man that apparently wore his face. If she felt she could be happier there, then William only hoped she was right. She deserved happiness, and he really wanted that for her, even if it meant losing her forever to the other side.

The End


End file.
